MANHATTAN – Michael Cohen, the attorney that Donald J. Trump called his “Fixer,” has just been released from the Otisville Correctional Facility.
Cohen, aka #2190562, was released early, and many are saying that it is because POTUS was scared as hell that Mikey would sing like a canary, and reveal tons and tons of dirt that he has on Trump.
Cohen once said that he would take a bullet for his former boss. Trump stated, on many occasions, that Michael would actually take a rocket launcher to the groin area for him.
Reporters asked Cohen what he thought about being in prison. He said he hated it, but he learned to adjust. He said that, while incarcerated, he made some nice friends, such as #2190102, #2190277, and #2190413.
Cohen said that he also learned to sew, and, in fact, he sewed a full-length red-colored MAGA coat made out of reindeer hide, that he plans to give to Trump as soon as he pays him a White House visit.
He was asked if it was true that the convicts gave him the nickname “Skippy”. He blushed, and said "yes", and pointed out that some of the other prisoners called him “Sweet Lips”, “Cutie”, “Jennifer”, and “Swivel Hips”.
Cohen said that he is planning on writing a book about Trump, but he won’t release it until January, after Trump has left the White House.