Coronavirus Pandemic May Be Cut Short Due to Americans’ Short Attention Span

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 27 March 2020

image for Coronavirus Pandemic May Be Cut Short Due to Americans’ Short Attention Span
"You may be bored of COVID-19, but coronavirus isn't bored of you," warned the CDC.

Unlike in countries like Italy and China, where the coronavirus pandemic sustained national focus for months, in the United States, the COVID-19 epidemic may be cut short due to Americans’ notoriously short attention span.

“I was really into it for like the first week,” said Caitlin Hayes of St. Louis, Missouri, regarding the intensive news coverage of the pandemic. “But after about five days, it started to get old. Over-saturation, I guess.”

Hal Roberts of Boston, Massachusetts, agreed. “At first, it was a real adventure stocking up on toilet paper, dried beans, and sanitary wipes. Now, though, I’d say it’s time to move on.”

Despite the wavering interest in COVID-19, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Robert Redfield urged Americans to stay focused on the virus. “You may be bored of COVID-19, but coronavirus isn't bored of you,” he warned. “It’s just getting started.”

That being said, Redfield acknowledged that, if necessary, the pandemic may wind up being cut short in the event of severe lack of interest. “We’ve shifted our live news coverage to the Zoom platform and we’re doing our best to make it more interactive,” he said. “But at the end of the day, there’s only so much we can do. No point beating a dead horse – or a live bat, if you will.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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