Man Cuts Back To One Piece Of Toilet Paper Per Wipe

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 27 March 2020

image for Man Cuts Back To One Piece Of Toilet Paper Per Wipe
For further economy, use the soiled bog roll to blow your nose

A man who is well aware of the shortage of toilet paper the country is experiencing at the moment, has told friends that he has cut back accordingly, and now only uses one square of toilet paper to wipe his arse.

Myke Woodson, 56, of Hull in East Yorkshire, decided to make the change after seeing, first hand, the violence that shortages bring.

Shopping in Tesco, he witnessed a brawl between two groups of people arguing over the ownership of a pack of toilet rolls, and, in another incident, a rather unsavoury squabble over some peanut butter.

He said:

"In the past, I've always torn off four, or even five, squares of bog roll, but I cut down to three, then two, and now only one. What can I say? Everybody has to do their bit, as well as their shit. It's a new motto I saw on Facebook!"

But he sounded a stern warning to others:

"I have to be very careful though, because one square doesn't give me enough to fold, and me finger keeps coming through the paper."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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