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Funny satire stories about Americans

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Funny story: Survey: 95% of Americans will have accidentally killed each other by 2050

Survey: 95% of Americans will have accidentally killed each other by 2050

A shock investigation by a popular American magazine has revealed that by the year 2050 an incredible 95% of American citizens will have accidentally killed each other through the negligent discharge of firearms. The in-depth analysis comes after…

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Funny story: Rep. Devin Nunes Has Just Shown The Entire Country That He Is The Stupidest Asshole In America

Rep. Devin Nunes Has Just Shown The Entire Country That He Is The Stupidest Asshole In America

BUENAS NOCHES, California – (Satire News) – The Omnium Gatherum News Agency is reporting that Devin Nunes, who is one of the Trumptard’s biggest ass kissers (along with Hannity, Jordan, Gaetz, and that horrendously horrible-looking skank Marjorie Tay…

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Funny story: Ohio Man tries a hold-up using a lead paint detector

Ohio Man tries a hold-up using a lead paint detector

An Ohio man is in police custody after attempting to rob a Howdy Pard Convenience store using a lead paint detection device. Herm Myers, 29 of Stubenville, OH, was taken into custody by police early this morning. Officers responded just after 1:0…

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Funny story: Masturbators Convention is a blast after all! So says the ACMA Prez

Masturbators Convention is a blast after all! So says the ACMA Prez

Chuck Bonica, President of the American Compulsive Masturbators Association (ACMA) has been an openly proud masturbator for the bulk of his 60 years. As the ACMA annual convention wrapped up this morning, Chuck was happy to report it was a big su…

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Funny story: Sanford disarms human police: Macaque monkeys to control all weaponry

Sanford disarms human police: Macaque monkeys to control all weaponry

On Tuesday evening the Sanford City Council passed a controversial new ordinance that removes all deadly weapons from the hands of traditional law enforcement officers and arms highly-skilled macaque monkeys in their place. The macaques must first co…

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Funny story: 85% of Americans can't name who the President was yesterday

85% of Americans can't name who the President was yesterday

It is 2 hours after Joe Biden's inauguration as US President and a shocking survey has shown that the vast majority - over 80% - of Americans can't remember who was President this morning. Methew Jefferson, 45, is an unemployed fast food restaura…

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Funny story: Coronavirus Pandemic May Be Cut Short Due to Americans’ Short Attention Span

Coronavirus Pandemic May Be Cut Short Due to Americans’ Short Attention Span

Unlike in countries like Italy and China, where the coronavirus pandemic sustained national focus for months, in the United States, the COVID-19 epidemic may be cut short due to Americans’ notoriously short attention span. “I was really into it fo...

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Funny story: Americans arm themselves as Coronavirus panic spreads

Americans arm themselves as Coronavirus panic spreads

Sales of automatic weapons and assault rifles have almost trebled overnight in some states, as Americans prepare themselves for an onslaught of disease, famine, and death. Forecasters have predicted that the virus will 'only get worse' , and is...

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Funny story: Americans United in How Much They Hate Each Other

Americans United in How Much They Hate Each Other

A new survey found that Americans are overwhelmingly united on how much they hate each other. “People say America is a divided country, but our data shows that’s not true,” said pollster, Tom Andjerry, with Emerson College. “They are in almost com...

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Funny story: Things Getting Tight for Attention

Things Getting Tight for Attention

For generations, thanks to regular reminders to pay him, Attention had been doing quite well for himself. These days, though, amidst a flood of social media, smart phones, and infinite other distractions, no one’s paying Attention much – and he's be...

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Funny story: Majority of Americans Believe Whatever They Read But Fortunately They Don't Read Very Much

Majority of Americans Believe Whatever They Read But Fortunately They Don't Read Very Much

In an era of online news reporting and misinformation, a new study by the Center for Informational Integrity revealed that a disturbing 98 percent of Americans believe whatever they read, but fortunately they don't read very much. "It''s good news...

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Funny story: Scientists Link Youtube Political Propaganda Videos to 5 Point Drop in Average IQ of Americans

Scientists Link Youtube Political Propaganda Videos to 5 Point Drop in Average IQ of Americans

Atlanta - Scientists studying an apparent 5-point drop in the average IQ of adults in the United States, have established a connection between the fall in test results and the online and television viewing habits of those subjects. The research...

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Funny story: Shock! Museum of the Bible's Dead Sea Scrolls Fragments are "Forgeries"

Shock! Museum of the Bible's Dead Sea Scrolls Fragments are "Forgeries"

Washington's Museum of the Bible has announced that five of its most prized artefacts – valuable fragments in its collection of Dead Sea Scrolls – are forgeries and will no longer be displayed unlike other artefacts of dodgy origin. German researc...

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Funny story: Now that he wants to become an American, The Beeb wishes he hadn't been such an asshole

Now that he wants to become an American, The Beeb wishes he hadn't been such an asshole

USA All the Way—Now that he's wed Hailey “Bald” Wynn, the blonde bombshell who shaves “down there,” teen heartthrob Justin “Canuck” Bieber wants to become an American. But he also wants to retain his Canuck citizenship. “As he says to me,” his blu...

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Funny story: Dumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai

Dumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai

A local moron just got ripped off buying a used Hyundai Sonata. "I bought the bumper-to-bumper warranty, which added like $3,000 to the price of this cheap piece of shit," the dumb motherfucker from Carson Township said. But the bumper-to-bump...

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Funny story: American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

An American guy who knows nothing about soccer got way too into the World Cup match between England and Croatia in an effort to seem cool and worldly to his friends. He even used the word "gutted" to describe his feelings after the loss, knowing t...

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Funny story: HARDCORE! Small Sector of Americans Remain Committed to Extreme Sports like Jogging and Power-Walking

HARDCORE! Small Sector of Americans Remain Committed to Extreme Sports like Jogging and Power-Walking

Shrugging off warnings about heat exhaustion, dehydration, and running being hard on the joints, a small but committed sector of the American population continue to cling to their obsession with extreme sports, like jogging and power-walking. “It'...

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