Biden case leads to new product protection for females “where males gather”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 3 April 2019

image for Biden case leads to new product protection for females “where males gather”
Ophelia Adams, another question mark in Mr. Biden's possible 2020 campaign

Mr. Biden’s possible 2020 campaign for the presidency is currently preoccupied with several females claiming he touched them inappropriately.

Despite saying he should “keep his hands to himself,” Ms. Pelosi has explained these gestures by Mr. Biden are essentially “grandfatherly and affectionate.”

Mr. Biden’s behavior has no relationship whatever to President Trump's “grab ‘em by the p***y" notoriety.

Not all are convinced, however, as a growing list of the offended is creating a “me-too” movement as with Mr. Trump and Mr. Kavanaugh previously.

It all started with Ms. Lucy Flores, who said Mr. Biden came up behind her, seized her shoulders, and began kissing the back of her head.

Investigation here has not shown he extended this activity into “a little biting of her left ear,” as some have claimed on Twitter.

By now, other women have come forward. Additionally, Mr. Biden has tendencies toward nose rubbing and touching the back for slightly longer than normal.

Most explosive, however, is the emergence of Ms. Ophelia Adams, applying to Mr. Biden’s possible 2020 campaign as an aide “doing whatever,” she said.

Ms. Adams’ application included the photograph above, which brought Mr. Biden “rushing out of his office” to interview her.

She was then subject to Mr. Biden’s prolonged handshake, reminding her of Othello in high school, with its “paddling in the palm” reference.

Mr. Biden, supported by Ms. Pelosi, has said this “paddling reference” is due to an arthritic finger—not interest in carrying the liaison further into physical intimacy.

Ms. Adams added Mr. Biden had a tendency to mispronounce her first name as “I-feel-ya.”

There is, however, a tool a woman can use "where males gather" and she might feel vulnerable.

Enter a new protection device known as Discreet Vanguard.

Discreet Vanguard can be worn by the female as a tiny cup centrally located, with a sensational “shock-guard” application built into it.

Fueled by rechargeable lithium batteries (charger included) Discreet Vanguard is a fierce little weapon for the female to consider.

Ingenious programming from this device runs a powerful charge throughout a woman’s clothing—with settings on low/medium/high.

The “high” setting leaves an overly affectionate male with glassy stare, jaw dropped, and shivers lasting up to five minutes.

The Discreet Vanguard product also contains testimonial from Ms. Pelosi:

“I set mine on medium usually--also very powerful! Or low if I don’t mind getting a little attention anyway.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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