1973: Mueller Exonerates Nixon in Watergate Break-in

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Monday, 25 March 2019

Department of Justice. Washington, D.C., May, 1973. Special Counsel Robert Mueller filed his Watergate Investigation report today without indicting President Richard Nixon in the break-in at the Democratic party's Watergate headquarters.

Mueller's key line reads: "This investigation did not establish that the president or members of the Nixon Administration conspired or colluded with those who committed the Watergate break-in or in their other election interference activities."

The president immediately called Mueller's report a "complete and total exoneration. There was no collusion with the Watergate burglars. No obstruction of justice in the firing of the first special counsel. The so-called 'Saturday Night Massacre' was nothing. The taxpayers spent millions and two years of the justice department's time and personnel in this wild goose chase. Call it what it was, a witch hunt."

Democrats said Mueller's report stopped short of any form of exoneration of the president.

Mueller's findings pave the way for Gerald Ford to succeed Nixon in the 1976 election, and struck a fatal blow to the Democrats presidential election hopes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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