It was revealed that Trump's personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, whose office was raided by Special Prosecutor Mueller, has lots of secret tapes he recorded of him and Trump. Among the admissions are:
1. Trump is barely a millionaire, much less a billionaire.
2. When Eric was a baby they would leave him in the middle of nowhere but he always found his way back home.
3. Trump has a guy to tweet for him now since he can't spell to save his life.
4. Stormy Daniels laughed so hard at his small member he couldn't perform.
5. Melania told him they could have sex again if he did one nice thing that wasn't self-centered. It's been six and a half years now.
6. His father paid to get him out of the service because of "bone spurs."
7. His father paid to get him a college diploma even though it wasn't in fire trucks like Trump wanted.
8. Most of the 16 languages Melania speaks are ones she made up.
9. The Secret Service agents he had assigned to his daughter Tiffany were actually chimpanzees.
10. Trump said that his shrink told him he had all the immigrant children taken from their parents because he secretly hopes someone will take all his children (except Ivanka) away from him.
11. Trump is so afraid of Putin that he pees his pants if Putin so much as looks at him.
12. That is why Trump has such a crush on him.
13. Trump told his aides to set up a meeting with Stalin and Frederick Douglas. Tried to pretend he already knew that when told they were both dead.
14. Donald Trump, Jr. always reads his name in the paper and gets excited because he thinks they're talking about him.
15. He actually wanted to name Ivanka after his favorite toothpaste but spelled Ipana wrong.