Mississippi Updates Its Flag

Funny story written by Paul Blake

Thursday, 2 July 2020

image for Mississippi Updates Its Flag
Folks argue over what chip brand should go on the new state flag.

Biloxi, MS - The state of Mississippi is trying to shed its image as the most racist state in the Union, even deciding to take down their 126 year old flag, which is part confederate.

But what to replace it with? ...hmmm? (or in Mississippi's case...duuuhhhh?)

Bubba Chunkiebuns, the state Whippiesnucker (which is sort of like a governor, but you win the position by mud-wrestling the biggest catfish out of a pond on Whippiesnucker Day) held an emergency meeting on Tuesday to decide what the new flag would look like.

"We can't just have a bare naked flag pole!" exclaimed Mr. Chunkiebuns. "We need sumpin' that repersents what the people of this great state stand for, besides lynchin' black folks."

So after getting someone who is good at computers (which wasn't easy to find) to Google what else Mississippi is known for, the new flag will be a tribute to Mississippi's next most common characteristic.

"Well, turns out that after doin' that there Googlie thing, it says we's not only the most racist, but also the fattest state in 'Merica too?"

So it's settled, the new state flag of the Commonwealth of the great state of Mississippi will be emblazoned with a Super-Sized 7-11 Big Gulp and a bag of chips.

"But NOT them's Cheetos, or even them's Flamin' Hot Cheetos!" scowled Mr. Chunkiebuns. "Even though everyone I knowd loves 'em the most out of all snack food, it's just too damn Mexican to put on our new state flag!"

So the perplexing dilemma continues in good Ole Miss, confounding Mr. Chunkiebuns and his constituents to choose a sub-par snack brand to represent them.

"Dang, why do I have to be so dang good at mud-wrestlin' catfish?" he pondered, as the state wrestles with its new image. "Wonder what Trump would do? Dang, I wish I had me some Trump brains right now! Shoot, I dunno, maybe it's easier to just be racist.."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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