Trump State Visit to UK Announced: Londoners Cock-a-hoop

Written by Paxton Quigley

Tuesday, 23 April 2019

image for Trump State Visit to UK Announced: Londoners Cock-a-hoop
Prince Phil and Queen Liz get their glad rags on for an East End knees-up

"Cor, blimey, guv. You couldn't make it up. I'm sure that Londoners will come together in droves to give him a warm welcome." These were the words of London Mayor and son of a Tooting bus driver, Sadiq Khan, as he learned that dates have been set for supposed Leader of the Free World and all-round good guy US President Donald J Trump to make his long-awaited state visit to the United Kingdom.

Of course, Sadiq has had the occasional run-in with the Trump mob, most notably in 2017 when Khan was one of the high profile figures to say the orange idiot, following his travel ban for seven Muslim majority nations, should not be granted such an honour. Later Sadiq said "At a time when people want to build walls, we should build bridges".

This led to the usual ill-informed Twitter onslaught from Trump and his traitorous simpleton son Donald Junior who are both unable to comprehend how a multicultural city can elect a Muslim to run its affairs. Of course, Britons feel the same and are mystified as to how a supposed mature democracy can elect a rabble-rousing mobster to be its president.

The Donald avoided London on his last visit and made it crystal clear he did not want to come to the capital if he was going to face protests. Unfortunately for the poor man-baby, a key part of a state visit is the procession down the Mall in front of Buckingham Palace and it is thought protesters will gather there in force. Tough shit, better come by helicopter.

The Queen is used to being wheeled out to meet and greet an assortment of unsavoury characters, so one more won't make any difference to her. She can deep clean Buckingham Palace when it's all over. Alongside Trump on the long list of criminals, murderers, despots and dictators who have met the Queen are President of China Xi Jinping, Saudi Arabia's King Abdullah, former Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe and Sultan of Brunei Hassanal Bolkiah.

The Palace rumour machine has been working in overdrive and has it that the Queen's second son Prince Andrew has plans for the Donald. He is quite keen that once the Queen and Melania are settled down for their post-dinner sherry that he should take the so-called president to his favourite Soho dens where he will be able to grab as much pussy as he wishes to on a no expense spared basis.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics



Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more