David Cameron spells out New benefit cut plan.
"N, e, w, space, b, uh, e, n, um, e, f, e, no sorry, i, t, space, c, u, t, space, p, l, hmmm, a, n, full stop", Said Mr Cameron earlier today.
written by Frank Miller, 04 October 2009
New Firstmart Store To Be Built
Be there October 10th at 3pm for an innovative new ceremony to mark the beginning of the construction project, hailed by many as "groundbreaking."
written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 04 October 2009
Local Oxcart Robbed
They stole 2 axles, 34 pounds of food, 612 bullets, and 1 ox.
written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 04 October 2009
Chat With Riemers/Blakely Insurance Today
Because the worst is yet to come.
written by Bob Jones Bulletin, 04 October 2009
Statue of the Virgin Mary Weeps at Donegal Shrine
A statue of the Virgin Mary was found to be weeping in a Donegal shrine today. Meanwhile, Mick McManus was slicing raw onions at O'Rourke's Cafe next-door
written by IN SEINE, 04 October 2009
Scientists Can Make People Move in Slow Motion
By passing an electrode through a person's brain, scientists have discovered how to make people move in slow motion. MPs have been doing this for years - and without the aid of electrodes!
written by IN SEINE, 04 October 2009
X Factor - pernicious bumming allegations will not stop !
Louis Walsh has denied that sexual attraction had any part in his choice to keep sh*ts John and Edward in the X Factor "That's rubbish" he quipped as he pulled gelled blonde pubes from his teeth.
written by Ulver, 04 October 2009
Sex Guide for over 50s Are a Waste of Money
Manchester council have produced a sex-guide for over-50s. A council spokesman said "If they don't know how to do it by then, there is not much hope for them!"
written by IN SEINE, 04 October 2009
David Blunkett MP Is Taking Another Big Risk
Sheffield MP, David Blunkett, has married another woman who he has not seen.
written by IN SEINE, 04 October 2009
Men Wanted to Test Contraceptive Jab
20 men are wanted to test a contraceptive jab. However, the men are afraid to have something about 8in long stuck into them. Women doctors giving the jabs say: "They do it to us, now in its OUR turn!"
written by IN SEINE, 04 October 2009
SNP Declare War On England
Royters Latest - As the "We Want To Be On Tele Debate" has hit a brick wall the SNP have decided to declare war on England.RAF bases at Lossiemouth and Kinross have been taken over by the SNP militia!
written by iscrivener, 04 October 2009
Pope questions Roman Polanski backlash
"They get upset when Priests do altar boys and when film directors do little girls. Who are perverts supposed to have sex with? Throw us a carrot here!"
written by unknown
Woody Allen supports Roman Polanksi
"Maybe if she'd been his stepdaughter and he'd married her, he wouldn't be getting all this negative publicity."
written by unknown
Neurotic Insomniac Dyslexic Agnostic Hospitalised
It seems he lies awake all night fretting over whether or not Dog exists.
written by Skoob1999, 04 October 2009
Introducing the panty that is meant to be taken off
The new gas mask panty wins nobel prize. Details are quite exciting. Forbut fer born.
written by Aspartame Boy, 04 October 2009
Revenge of the slugs?
The salt-covered body of another celebrity TV gardener has been found in a large barrel of beer. Due to the silvery trails left at the scene, police are questioning the Slug Protection League.
written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
Big bag of misery
UK Explorer Harry 'Indiana' Davis came to a nasty end in Africa this week when he accidentally climbed inside the mouth of a giant caterpillar instead of his sleeping bag.
written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
World's smelliest cheese on sale
The new formula 'fromage' can only be purchased from specialist delicatessens, in an air-tight container. Customers encouraged to a wear peg on the nose before consumption.
written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
Imagine there's no orchestra
Jean-Luc Gingembre won the all Europe 'Air Conducting' competition today. The plucky Frenchman conducted
his way through Stravinsky's 'Rite of Spring' in front of an impressed audience of 2,000.
written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
24 hours and counting
A middle-aged mum from Manchester was rushed to hospital in shock today after her '24 hours girdle' unexpectedly expired after only 22 hours. 'I will be returning it to the lingerie store,' she said.
written by Nate John Won, 04 October 2009
