Swedish Bikini Models march nude through towns
To promote awareness about animal rights, these PETA sponsored super models are marching through every town except for your's. Your town already loves animals, and has no need to see the models.
Mel Gibson to produce and star in new movie
Called "The Eternal Jew", it is a remake of a 1940 German classic. True to Gibson's artistic integrity, the languages will be principally German and a bastardized sub-language known as "Yiddish".
Local Man Sues Dating Agency
Promised a meet with a redhead. Date had no hair, just a red head.
written by Skoob1999, 18 October 2009
Dead Boyzone singer inspires "Deadzone" band
Boyzone have been renamed as "Deadzone" to honour their dead member Stephen Gately. When asked if the new name was tasteless, Ronan Keating said, "You should have seen the other choice, DeadFagZone"
written by MonkeyInTheBath, 18 October 2009
Children Spared Naked Airport Scans
Children will not be subjected to the new airport scanners which would show them naked. This is due to anti-pedophile laws. Instead they will be felt up by strange men in uniforms.
Nut screws washers and bolts
A mentally disturbed man raped two laundry women at the Sunnydale Asylum for the deranged, before escaping. The police are still looking.
Mia Farrow Speaks Out For Gazza's Children
Actress Mia Farrow says she is appalled by the plight of children who have a fat alcoholic ex-footballer for a father. She feels something should be done to save them.
Thieves Break In To Harry Enfield's Car
Thieves have broken in to Harry Enfield's car. They are reported to have left behind a laptop full of his jokes but did steal all the polos and and a nodding dog.
Paris Hilton accused of elaborate hoax
Recent decision to buy piglets "was a publicity stunt so she could tie them to helium ballons and 'accidentally' release them for global TV exposure," a PETA representative claimed...
"Balloon Boy" parents face new charges
"We obtained video evidence that shows the couple had engaged in 'wife swapping' in the presence of their minor children," said Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden...
"Balloon Boy" gets own reality TV show
Pilot episode for "Family Behind Bars" to air on Fox Network this Thursday at 9:00 Eastern...
UK Post-Office Adopts Novel Marketing Strategies
UK Post-Office sows £20 notes into envelopes to keep customers during upcoming Postal Strike
Foamy Car-Wash Hides Joe Biden's Latest Gaff
Taking a clip out of Harry Potter, Joe Biden now washes in a large bubble bath - "That's one embarrassment that I do need to hide," said JB.
Boris to close central London to all but wealthy
Disarming blondie Boris Johnson plans to close central London off to anyone earning less than 200K per annum.
'Dead right, too.' says BNP luminary Davis Cameroon
Jenson Button Fights Hard In Race Right to the Bottom of Formula One Grid
F1 Back-markers complain that Jenson Button is unfairly crashing in on their scene.
X Factor Business as Usual
Despite Louis Walsh's absence, the X factor remained true to form with contractually obligated tears from toxic waste judges, also turds John & Edward became as annoying a hot poker in the sphincter.
written by Ulver, 18 October 2009
Mum buries son alive
"That'll teach him not to give me any lip." says pathologically insane mother.
British Weather experts are bigots. Allegedly
British weather forecasters accused of blatant regional discrimination.
"Michael Fish is Satan's envoy on Earth." says Osama Bin Ramsbottom; 'newsagent of Accrington, Lancashire.'
Loser tries to win a knighthood
Ferris Vermulen, a non descript labourer of no fixed address, has asked for knighthood from the Queen."Well why not?" said the earnest individual."Mick (Jagger) got one so why can't I?" Queen said no.
written by whatinthe world, 18 October 2009
Cowell branching out for fame
Simon Cowell, American Idol judge, will appear as a tree trunk in the next episode of CSI Miami. Fans eager to view the episode have been described as barking mad and in need of light releaf (sic).
written by whatinthe world, 18 October 2009
Chinese to save Earth from global warming
Tomorrow the Chinese are going to adjust the orbit of Earth, by climbing up on to chairs and jumping down. The impact of a billion people landing at once will bump us away from the sun.
Sri Lankan Refugees In Limbo
President of Limbo seeking their expulsion.
Your mother left her bracelet on my nightstand
If you (yes, you, the one reading this now) could have your mother come get it, I'd appreciate it. My wife is coming home later, and if she finds it she'll be upset.
Obama proves the equality of the races
By proving during his Presidency that African Americans are as capable of lying and being full of shit as European descended Presidents are. Now we know.
Harry Potter films not realistic
A ginger kid with 2 friends, not very likely says UK education expert Mandy Lifeboats.
written by Ricardo Fromage, 18 October 2009
Australia allows 13 year old to be a women's fashion model
They believe that having a 13 year old girl dress as a woman in clothes designed to excite lust is a good idea. They warn that if a man finds himself attracted though, he's a pervert.
Essence of Fresh-Cut Grass Makes Mankind More Interesting
Scientists have discovered how to generate a 'sexual tsunami', where human males become irresistible to human females.
Can't Make This Stuff UP
British grandfather arrested for shining battery torch at a RAF Apache hovering 10 feet above his garden in the middle of the night waking him up.
Jenson Button Blames Himself for Coming 14th in Brazilian GP Qualifying
"There was so much rain, water was running over the track," said Button, "I only have a Bronze Swimming Certificate and so I panicked."
It's a good life
In Obama's America, a man working two part time janitorial jobs just to keep the trailer rent paid, found not one, but two pieces of pork fat in his can of Pork and Beans he was having for dinner.
Man tricked into grocery shopping
Pleased to hear there'd be steak for dinner, a man volunteered to go to the store to pick up some A-1 sauce. It was a trick though, as once he agreed, a dozen more items were added to the list.
Obama's $250 already spent
The money that Obama is seeking to bribe grandmothers with has in the main already been spent by all fifty million of them. Surveys suggest that most of it will be spent on cat food and litter.
Coming to a Drug Store Near You!
"Lip Gloss That Spots Spiked Drinks" - turns blue if rape drugs GHB or Ketamine are present.
Battle Lines Drawn Over Freezer Meals Cooked By Keith Floyd
Prior to his death television chef and presenter cooked 5,000 meals and stored them in a freezer as a gift to his family and friends - who are now going to court to unfreeze the food assets.
Environmentalists Strike Again
Latest targets of environmentalists are large screen TV manufacturers. Plastics fabricators have always been spared because of Hollywood's large monetary contributions made by users of plastic boobs.
Mother: Remember Johnny no sugar, no salt, no corn syrup, no trans-fat, no soda, no plastic butter knives, no peanut butter and no candy. Johnny: Boy mom going trick or treating is really scary!
UN Human Rights Council asked to Reside in Israel
Israel asks UN HRC members to reside in areas where Hamas rockets, fired from Gaza, landed. The HRC could then demonstrate how to peacefully defend themselves against Hamas rockets. The HRC declined!
Tour de France Outrage
Lance Armstrong is a bicycle race-ist!
Political Lexicon Update
Journalists urged not to call inept politicians Morons, instead call them More-Offs! Otherwise they risk insulting a perfectly nice group of people.
Show me the Middle
Senate Finance Committee Chairman proposes locking extreme left and right wing members in the cloak room to allow real work on health care reform. A similar proposal is being floated in the House.