How Does Salman Rushdie Do It?
Millionaire Salman Rushdie has another young woman in his life. How does he do it? What is the attraction?
written by Bunsen Burner, 22 October 2009
Police Discover Balloon Boy's Dad is the real hoax
"He's a walking toaster," said a neighbor. He's out there catching the sun most mornings - he's recharging his chassis. Has a PLC for a brain.
"The real guide to sustainable living" - available in paperback.
Eat your mother-in-law if you want to save the planet, but what about authors of paper-backs? What is their carbon footprint? Eat the writers on Spoof! Yeah!
Did you know?
The cutie three cubicles down from you has avoided censure from her boss five times, simply by sucking on her pencil, looking up at him coyly, and thanking him for hiring her before he can speak?
Writer of We buy Any Car Ad shot for being a bastard
The writer of the 'We buy any car.com' advert has been executed for crimes against taste. the absolute tosser.
Albanians announce mobile communications breakthrough
Albanian Mobile phone giant FELCH today announced a breakthrough, "we have enough yoghurt pots & string to accommodate every man,woman & sheep texts can also be sent by our Carrier Sparrow service".
written by Ulver, 22 October 2009
Leslie Nielsen and The Next Naked Gun Sequel
Leslie Nielsen, 93, has just signed to star in Naked Gun 13 - The Limp Bullets.
Willie Nelson, 90, and Still Smokin' Strong
Willie Nelson has just turned 90. He says that he has a walker but he only uses it on certain occasions, like when he needs to walk.
The Actor Formerly Known As Kevin Bacon
In keeping with his strict food regimen, Kevin Bacon has just announced that he will be changing his name to Kevin Diet Bacon.
Michelle "The Sleeveless First Mama" Obama
Michelle Obama says that she will continue to go sleeveless just to piss off (her words) the fashion critics. She has already said that she will be buying a sleeveless winter coat.
Jennifer Aniston Enters Rehab
Jennifer Aniston has entered a rehab clinic to try and find out why in the world she cannot seem to keep a boyfriend.
Nick Griffin To play Santa
BNP's Nick Griffin is set to play Santa Clause in Quentin Tarentino's forthcoming movie, 'Santa Clause, the Psycho'
Top Gear's Clarkson reputed to be married
Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson is reputed to be married.... To a woman.
God! She must have a broad back.
Celebrity watchers refute the claim, stating his chauvinism as a reason.
Dingo population dwindling
A years long campaign is finally showing some results, as more Australian women decide not to leave their babies unattended in the Outback. Less food for the dingo is dropping their numbers greatly.
Your boss is looking over your shoulder, cubicle boy
Yes, I mean YOUR shoulder, Mr. "I read TheSpoof at work". Quick, mutter to yourself, "This isn't the link I clicked on!" and get back to work. Pretend you don't know he's behind you. Good luck.
The video store will not carry your favorite movie anymore
Yes, they are full well aware that it is a timeless classic with subtle nuances and a stellar cast. However, they need to make room for "Jason versus the Terminator Part III, The Reckoning".
BBC Defend Griffin Decision
'Question Time' The BBC have defended BNP Nick Griffin's right to free sp...............................
Man vainly attempts to impress family
At the WingDing in Akron, Ohio, Jim Tessmacher failed to impress his family by eating 21 hot wings and getting his picture put on their Wall of Flame. He was impressed with his success, they weren't.
Auntie, What Big Hands You've Got!!!
On its Website, the BBC reports that a handful of BNP protesters have broken through into the BBC Centre ahead of tonight's Question Time. The estimated handful is at least 100.
Nick Griffin to Host New Reality Show
BNP leader, Nick Griffin, is to host a new reality TV show called "I'm British let me out of here!"
Queen gives AC/DC singer blessing to join Boyzone
Hm the Q today gave her approval at AC/DC singer, Brian Johnson's move to boyband 'Boyzone'.
HRH Phil the Greek is said to be f****n pleased as punch.
BBC Are Hoping to Attract a Record Number of Viewers
The BBC hopes to attract a record number of viewers tonight on Question Time as Nick Griffin, BNP leader makes an appearance. The figures of up to 20 million viewers are predicted.
When your girlfriend calls you and you pretend it's a wrong number, due to your wife being with you, just know that she's not fooled. No one gets that many wrong numbers, dude.
Breasts Breasts Breasts Breasts
Or should that have been "Four four letter words: Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs". (Modified Quote from Madam Speaker).
Lindsay Lohan's Favorite Game
Spot the Brain Cell; Lohan said, "I've always have fun with that game."
Geraldo Rivera's Muchly Deserved Awards
Geraldo Rivera has just received three awards; Hispanic of The Year, Reporter of The Year, and Has-Been of The Year.
Sam Houston and That City Named After Him
173 years ago, Sam Houston became the first president of the Republic of Texas. Two years later the state named a city in his honor. Sam, Texas is located 30 miles north of San Antonio.
Rihanna's New Untribute Song To Chris Brown
Rhythm and Blues singer Rihanna has recorded a song about her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown. The song is titled, "Okay Sucker, Grow Some And Admit That I Did Not Trip On My Imported Italian High Heels.
The Hyphenated Catherine Zeta-Jones
After years of debating back and forth with herself, Catherine Zeta-Jones has decided to drop the hyphen. She did however add that she will be keeping Michael.
"That's my son!!!"
Marie Stiffly, of Honiton, Devon, identified her son as one of the gang of streakers. "He was the one holding a porno magazine over his crown jewels - he is not a hardened criminal, yet!" She said.
"UFO Alert: Police Officer Sees Alien at Crop Circle"
Officer gave chase in a faster-than light quantum tunneling car only to find out he was 'the alien' he was chasing.
New Pot Noodle
Unilever have launched a new vegetarian variety of their student food, Pot Noodle, to be launched in Thailand called "Not Poodle".
written by IainB, 22 October 2009
NAKED! Man Arrested for Making Coffee in His Kitchen.
A man could be jailed for a year for making coffee in his kitchen while being totally naked. It happened at 6:30am in the morning when a woman and her child saw the man. Both were using binoculars.
A burning question, since 1977
Instead of the Jedi trained using the force to throw heavy machines and objects at each other, why don't they just use it to squeeze the other guy's heart to death, or give him a lobotomy?
...if he was attracted to the ladyboy in "The Crying Game" does that make him gay, even though he doesn't like men? 96% of men surveyed said, "Hell, yes!". The other four percent were fags.
"Baby can you dig your man" hits the top twenty!
With a bullet! This new hit from Larry Underwood's album "Pocket Savior" is expected to go Gold! Party hound Larry is currently unavailable for comment, having gone to visit his mom in New York.
The reason the number of lesbians in college plunges in their senior year is due to them knowing that daddy will stop paying their bills, and now needing a husband instead. Beats getting a job.
In financial news...
Researchers have discovered that if you laid every economist end to end, they still wouldn't reach a conclusion.
Boyfriends of America wonder...
...why their girlfriend's can't be roommates with a psychologically disturbed "single white female" Jennifer Jason Leigh who will sneak over one night and blow them while they are still sleeping.
7 year old made mommy cry
Bruce, age 7, recently made his divorced mom cry. After a weekend with dad and his fiancee Heather, his mom took him to the park. Said Bruce to his mom, "Heather Mom is more fun, and prettier, too."
Man corrects his wife
A woman expressed concern with her husband that the dress she was wearing made her ass look big. The husband helpfully let her know that the dress did not make her ass look big, the fat in it did.
Experts question the killing of those we liberate
If our goal in a military intervention is to simply free the people, why do we fight the military of that nation, and bomb the civilians? Shouldn't we just kill the evil leader and be done with it?
Supreme Court obsolete?
Since they insist that they don't make laws, what actually is their point? If it's just to say what the Constitution means, couldn't we fire them, and just buy a dictionary?
Catholic Monopoly on Stigmata Is Finally Broken!
Islam has found a baby who shows versus from the Koran on his right leg, which say "Allah is great". The Pope denies this and calls them copycats. "Everyone knows that God is greater!" He said.
Student Streakers Fail to Be Convicted by Jury
3 streakers caught on CCTV were not convicted by jury because none of them could be recognized with their clothes on. Furthermore, as no porno was available, any evidence would not stand up in court.
Nick Griffin Buys Union Jack for £384,000
BNP leader, Nick Griffin is rumoured to have bought the last surviving union Jack flag from the Battle of Trafalgar for £384,000. He is rumoured to have said: "put it on expenses!"
"Sisters Doing It for Themselves"
Any of you sisters single? Just that I'm looking for motivation to get off planet.
$ falling so fast
that wheelbarrows are 'coming back in vogue'.
Do You Do pro bono?
The Irish pop-star? No
Scientits Discover Magnetic Anomaly in Caerphilly Mountain
Just like in "LOST"; negotiations under way to move the mountain to "the island" so that they can be married and have wonderful sprogs
Mark Twain says...
"I see now that when imagining the future of man's humanitarian development, I wasn't pessimistic enough."
Insiders wonder, "Why does Congress still exist?"
Congress exists solely to create laws, and as they've had over 200 years to do so, aren't all the laws we need passed yet? I mean, is murder still legal or something? When are they finished?
Mumia Abu Jamal says...
"What, with all this Roman Polanski crap, and suddenly I don't exist? Shee-it. I was accused of worse stuff than he admitted to."
Your girlfriend will be home late today.
I'll get her home as soon as I'm done. I appreciate the loan, you've been a good sport about this. Hope you enjoy those tricks I taught her.
William Hague: No rift with Obama administration over Europe
No siree, no rift, just a yawning canyon.
Chancellor Adam Sutler wants...
...everyone to remember why they need him.
Man sues John Cusack
A man was given 3 days in jail for the same behavior he saw John Cusack do in "Say Anything". He was arrested while holding a boom box over his head at his former girlfriend's house.
Paris Hilton advises Emma Watson
"You're old enough to know now", said Paris. "You can whore around any where on Earth, but if you get pregnant, don't have it in Australia. Or a dingo will eat it."