Well, That's One Problem Solved
Tabloid Expose: Obama slipped in and out of Haiti to visit Madame Handi recently to try to get Catagory 5 Hurricane to hit Guantanamo.
Letterman Catting Around
Cat rescued from a hot tin roof in the New Orleans flood adopted by David Letterman.
Cindy Sheehan arrested again outside White House after shouting "Nothing's Changed!" Obama asks her back for a beer conference.
Second Disney/Marvel Movie Planned
The second new combination movie coming out after Disney's purchase of Marvel Comics? "Daredevil And Sidekick MaGoo Battle The Cyclops!"
"We Should Talk This Over!"
President Obama says that the Olympic committee could yet change their minds about Chicago after talking to his friend, Giuseppe "Lucky" Delucci.
Oceans Cooling Takes Awhile
New study by the UN says that the ocean's warming and rise over the world's coastlands might take two million years to recover, "one if we're lucky."
Obama Appeals To Hollywood
President Obama turning to Hollywood for health reform help! "There are no sicker people than those in Hollywood", states President.
Detroit Needs Stimulating
Thousands Line Up For Stimulus Money in Detroit, including members of the Detroit Tigers and Lions major league ball teams.
Afghan War At Stage 3
Afghanistan War has been upgraded to a catagory Stage 3 as more US and British troops apparently headed for the region.
Bob Barker's Judgement
Today in the Truth Tattler Bob Barker stated that David Letterman should be turned over to the Taliban.
Nader Confesses Also
After last week confession of David Letterman, Ralph Nader stated today that he's never had a woman in his entire life!
Letterman Still Hilarious
Dave Letterman kept his audience in hysterics last night by announcing that he had given his women staff names for each day of the week, ran over a bunny & sent Leno to the bottom of the East River.
Woman Get The Worst Hangovers
New study shows that women are much more likely to get "hangovers" after heavy drinking, which they usually send packing first thing the next morning.
Americans Exercizing More
According to yesterday's article in the New York Gazzette Times, as unemployment rises Americans getting more exercise. Mostly, they're running down former bosses and beating the shit out of them.
Nigeria Joins Space Race!
Nigeria says it's first huge rocket ready to go just as soon as the last 5,000 space adventurers send in their final $10,000 payments.
Other Ring Besides One Around Uranus
After last years huge discovery of a ring around Uranus, scientists have now discovered an even greater one around Saturn. "Mostly made up of rocks, dirt, lost socks" says Professor.
Kentucky Once Grew Lots Of Hemp
Kentucky Governor says he might try marijuana if legalized as Kentucky once grew a lot of hemp. "But only the prime weed, the good shit, without those fillers from like you get from Central America."
The Bust Bowl
More and more people are leaving the state of California according to a study in the Truth Tattler. "If Governor Schwarzenegger can't grope here, who can?" asks one family in loaded down Hummer.
Bin Laden Issues New Threat
In a newly released video, Osama Bin Laden says that he has developed a strain of Cockroach Flu that he threatens to release upon the western countries if they do not leave Iraq & Afghanistan.
The Bush Kabash!
The present leaders in Iraq say they may sue for US troops to stay there as they may be the only mid-eastern country not in the process of developing nuclear weapons.
Not According To Intelligence
Iran has announced to the world at the UN that they are making nuclear bombs. However, Intelligence from the US, Britain and France have announced that it is not so.
Liz Taylor asks her fans to pray for her, there are only 2 left!
Liz Taylor after revealing to the world she must undergo open heart surgery asked he 2 remaining living fans to pray for her, her mingy dog and Whacko Latoya Jacko, God ignored them both!
written by Jaggedone, 07 October 2009
Rwandan mass murderer gets his spelling wrong!
A recently arrested Hutu machette mass murderer has admitted slaughtering 750000 "Tootsies", his motive was he thought Tootsies were all GAY, unfortunately he spelt Tootsy instead of TUTSI!
written by Jaggedone, 07 October 2009
Bush Remembers 9/11
Former President Bush fondly recalled 9/11/2001. "I'll never forget the looks on those kids faces as I read to them", Bush recalled.
written by NickFun, 07 October 2009
Still Another Check-Up
Millions of American families receive telephone calls at dinner time to check to see if "Do Not Call" programs still running smoothly.
Glad That's Finally Cleared Up
Former president George W. Bush says he did not mean that there were WMD's in Iraq, that he was sending WMD's down on Iraq, after 9/11.
Gitmo Back In Headlines!
Critics of Guantanamo base up in arms once again as sous-chef walks out after discovery of headless waiter.
Sounds Different, But Still Funny
Television sitcoms finally move from canned laughter to laughter over cell phones.
Odd Noises At White House!
Former VP Dick Cheney and family say they will spend their vacation this year in Dick's undisclosed location, which Obama people still haven't found.
Obama Calls For End To Leaks
The White House calls for an end to leaks. Everyone will be frisked by attendants before heading into bathroom stalls.
More British Troops Head For War
500 more British troops to be sent to Afghanistan as Obama rules out withdrawal, still screwing around.
Romo Knew It Was 4th Down!
Tony Romo really can count to four, at least the Dallas Cowboys say so. "He held up three fingers to show offensive line that 4 comes after 3", states offensive coach.
DOT Releases Delay Lists
DOT releases airline delay list for August. Also, predictions for December? You don't want to know!
Where's The Next Boom?
Where's the next boom? Maybe in 'cleantech', maybe in Iran, perhaps, North Korea!
Poodle Dogs Circling The Earth
Rich circus clown man says space trip worth $35 million, especially releasing of 100 balloon poodle dogs into space.
Telescope Really Bringing In Details
NASA telescope discovers giant ring around Saturn, giant unmarried square living off his parents, jobless, still at home in Fresno.
It's A Start!
Vaccinations begin in the United States as first five doses finally available!
Pirates Up Ante
Somali pirates attack French military vessels, taking some 10,000 prisoners.
How Big Is Staff?
Separating fact from fiction regarding the size of Michelle Obama's staff difficult, but Barack Obama's staff is even harder.
Pants Predict Problems?
Can your pants size predict your cancer risk? Specialists say it doesn't cost you anything to ask them.
Nicknamed: Polanski's Plastic
Plastics Chemical Tied to aggression in young girls and the old Hollywood-type farts that encourage them to use it.
Anna Nicole Smith Plot!
AP: Anna Nicole Smith investigated in murder plot! "As far as we can tell, she's still 'plotting'" say police.
Quite A Chemistry Breakthrough
2 Americans, 1 Israeli, all women win Nobel chemistry prize after all three's daughters marry doctors.
Health Care Still Has Pulse
AP Poll: Health care overhaul has a pulse but still in critical condition as President paces the hospital floor.
Half of Irish airline AirLingus to be sold
Lord Rupert Air, who owns half of Air Lingus is to sell his half to Irish entrepreneur Patrick Cuni. His partner Ryan Lingus said, "We'll change the airline's name appropriately".
written by Frank Miller, 07 October 2009
Iraqi Shoe Thrower Had It Rough
Iraq man who threw both his shoes at President Bush and served six months in jail tells western reporters reporters that the jailers really "socked it to me"!
The future's so bright
Several dentists have started to wear dark glasses while working. Patients' teeth are getting so white that they are causing excessive glare.
written by Nate John Won, 07 October 2009
New Welsh spring water now on sale
Welsh water ELBI-LLUG is claimed to have healing properties. Established European companies declare that the 'natural goodness' in this case includes sheep droppings, and warns public not to be NAÏVE.
written by Nate John Won, 07 October 2009
Rapped Up & Buried
For the first time ever there are no living rap artists who have a song currently in the top 20 rap sales.
Mormons Helped Home
Newly converted naive Mormon family are helped by the US state department to get home after attempting their first trip to Mecca.
NYC Cracking Down
New York City's Mayor Bloomberg orders police to put an end to young thug's Wino Bowling in the alley ways.