Area 51 Volunteers Aim To Recreate Alien Craft in race for Mars
The Chinese are already half way to Mars after their secret manned mission to the Red planet in March 2009. Scotland have launched a joint alliance programme to beat the " Chinks" - see main article
written by iscrivener, 02 October 2009
Dog Notices
New notices have gone up around John Terry's neighbourhood saying, Dog Fouling: fine £2,000. He's not worried, on his salary he can carry on tripping them up.
written by IainB, 02 October 2009
Vague Numbering Symposium
The Vague Numbering Symposium will take place in a few days, with the follow up meeting several days later.
written by IainB, 02 October 2009
China Celebrates Sixty Years of Communism
The death toll stands at 234,043,234, but there are plenty left.
written by Aspartame Boy, 02 October 2009
Stocks fall on weak economy despite increased layoffs
Layoffs failed to work their magic on the stock market as investors realized that they really were screwed to the wall street.
written by Aspartame Boy, 02 October 2009
Bring back the bucket and churn
A technician injured his back after slipping on a wet floor at the Wales Sterile Dairy Unit. Cynics blame EU directive and request a return to traditional cheese preparation - 'it's safer' they claim.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Green and pleasant land
Protests continue in middle England as Sir Rupert Bear - MP for Nutwood, leads a campaign to prevent the redevelopment of common ground. Dr. Edward Trunk to raise issue in parliament.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
New 'wellcopop' drinks available
A new range of fruity 'wellcopop' drinks are claimed to act as a remedy to 'alcopop'. Sales are expected to rocket in student populations.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Return of the deadly dustbins?
Scientists believe that super-intelligent predators are responsible for the falling numbes of binmen. These cunning creatures look very much like wheelie-bins but can swallow a fully grown human.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Gone with the wind
A new antibiotic is commercially available for Scarlet Fever. In trials, subjects however experienced flatulence as a side effect. Frankly speaking, most subjects are reported not to 'give a damn'.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
That's one in the eye
TV hypnotist 'Mindful Michael' was taken into care yesterday when he attempted to hypnotise a studio audience member wearing reflective contact lenses into a deep sleep.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Tea voted nation's favourite drink
For the 100th year running, tea has been voted by the UK as the top English drink. Eastern nations cynically suggest that fresh water is more appropriate.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Super-cali-poli-stitious...
Politicians have expressed an increase in superstitious behaviour in the run-up to elections. "The allegations are false," claimed a senior MP, "the ruling party are perfectly stable. Touch wood."
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
Software bug hits UK androids
Brit Android Industries, the UK's largest android supplier has been affected by a progran virus. Customers are requested to return any androids displaying human traits: selfishness, racism, violence.
written by Nate John Won, 02 October 2009
