Ten Other Things Undecided Voters Are Undecided On.

Funny story written by Dora J.

Monday, 19 October 2020

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All the way down to the wire...

Ten Other Things Undecided Voters Are Undecided On.

1) Eating a Filet Mignon prepared by Ina Garten, or eating bodega Spam that expired in 1997.

2) Getting passed a basketball in a game of hot potato, or getting passed an MK3 grenade.

3) Whether or not Ralph Fiennes played a villain in Schindler’s List. (“Maybe he was just misunderstood?” says undecided voter, Ben Kone.)

4) Getting licked by a cocker spaniel, or getting mauled by a grizzly bear and then tripping and getting trapped by a boulder127 Hours-style.

5) Finding a twenty-dollar bill on the street, or slipping in poodle shit while wearing flip flops.

6) Skipping through a meadow of daisies, or stepping on an old rusty nail and getting tetanus. (“Those vaccines are a hoax,” says the ghost of Jerry Falwell Sr.)

7) Sipping on a Piña Colada on the beach in Barbados, or spilling rum on yourself and sufficiently lighting yourself on fire.

8) (If drowning) whether or not to accept a life jacket, or a Cannon Ball Safe. (“How can I sink the fastest?” says undecided voter, Ralph Nader.)

9) Riding in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park, or being jousted off a horse and dragged by Spartacus.

10) Whether or not to be upset; or to jump up, and laugh and cheer when Bambi’s mom is killed.

(This piece was previously published on Glossynews.com on 10/18/20.)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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