Chipmunk Letters To Dr. Billingsgate

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 18 October 2020

image for Chipmunk Letters To Dr. Billingsgate
Aah Remember

BILLINGSGATE POST: Due to the number and content of the letters responding to the story: "Just One Nut Away From Having A Chipmunk In The White House," today’s addition will publish excerpts from those letters and the responses to them.

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“Dr. B: Don't ever underestimate the determination of a basic rodent when he sets his mind to destroying your way of life. They are very evil critters"......Carl Spackler

RESPONSE: Carl: Dr. Billingsgate has seen Caddyshack many times and has also witnessed the villainy of those bastards on a personal level. Thanks for the "heads up."

"Billingsgate, we know who you are and where you live. If you think that you can continue to dehumanize Sleepy Joe and Kamala “Breath” Harris with your puerile attempts to characterize them as lowly animals, you don't understand the natural food chain, and you live in a make believe world that only Donald Trump can visualize.”
....Nancy Poozleosi.

RESPONSE: Nancy, If you think that you can intimidate a veteran and Cold War warrior with your candy-ass threats, you don't understand your enemy either......GRRRRR !

"Ha! You probably thought that I had forgotten about you. I am still very bitter about the way you characterized my husband, John Kerry. You are a lowlife son-of-a-bitch for calling him a slack-jawed, chicken-lip killer of unarmed chickens and pigs. My husband said those animals were armed to the teeth, and they knew that they shouldn't have been in the village which he torched. I can’t believe you are still around, and are using the same tactics to undermine Sleepy Joe.”...
.Teresa Heinz "57 Varieties" Kerry

RESPONSE: Teresa, I understand where you are coming from, and I empathize with you completely. However, I stand by my sources, Foghorn Leghorn and Porky Pig. They both maintain that they were unarmed at the time. Things happen in the fog of war. By the way, those tactics worked against your chicken-lip husband.

Slim: “WTF is all of this about? If Chipmunks aren’t allowed in the White House, who will gather up all of the nuts?”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. Seems like just yesterday that they were welcome.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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