Trump: Election Surprise in Store

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Tuesday, 7 July 2020

image for Trump: Election Surprise in Store

The one thing we know about Donald Trump is that he will unleash some sort of surprise on us prior to the November election. Right now, his reelection looks like a long shot, and he is unlikely to go stoically about business as usual, and gracefully accept a whopping loss.

Trump has a lot going against him right now: Covid-19; racial unrest; a poor economy; and, maybe most of all, a Trump-weary electorate.

Trump, of course, is a master at deflecting blame: Covid-19 is the fault of the Chinese, and most of the deaths occurred in Democrat-led states. Racial unrest can be pinned on progressive mayors and governors who allow trouble-making outliers free rein. The economy was doing fine before Covid-19. It’s a little tougher with the Trump-weary electorate, however. You can blame the news media, but that will only take you so far.

Trump basically has two options. The first, is to hope that Biden self-destructs. The second, is to shake things up. Trump needs to be in control, so it’s hard to imagine that he will stand by, hoping that Biden, who will limit his public appearances and be tightly managed, will fall apart.

Trump, as his core, is a performer who is comfortable with long shots that could result in his reelection or wreck his party. His knows his act is getting stale, and one of the best ways of shaking it up, would be to put a new vice president on the ticket. Pence has been a good vice president who projects decency and competence, but, at this point, he does nothing for Trump. Trump, of course, has absolutely no feelings of loyalty for Pence or anyone else.

Sources tell us that Trump is seriously considering Kanye West for vice president. West has had some emotional issues in the past, but Trump will remind us that our second greatest president (you can guess whom he considers the greatest president to be) was clinically depressed, but managed to lead the nation through the Civil War. Trump’s base might not be comfortable with Kim Kardashian, but he’ll remind them that West has found God. The French might snicker, but Kardashian is not any more scandalous than their former first lady, Carla Bruni, was. West, of course, has no relevant experience, but that’s a plus—he’s not a career politician. Finally, West is guaranteed to make the remaining few months of the campaign interesting.

The best part of all, however, would be if a Trump/West ticket somehow won in November. It’s hard to imagine that anyone would seriously consider impeachment. Trump could send shudders through Washington just by threatening to resign. Even better, Kanye West, as vice president would unite the country. One can easily imagine Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, and a number of other one-time stalwart opponents of the President, getting down on their knees every morning with Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham and praying for the health and wellbeing of Donald Trump.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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