7 Reasons to Vote Kanye West for President

Funny story written by Adam J. Hushin

Monday, 6 July 2020

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Kanye West is running for President

On Saturday, musical artist and fashion designer, Kanye West, announced his candidacy for the 2020 US Presidential election.

West made his announcement via Twitter. “We must now realize the promise of America by trusting God, unifying our vision and building our future. I am running for president of the United States,” West wrote.

While West has yet to file any paperwork to actually make this an official bid, and many are arguing it is far too late into the race to start running, our top political analysts have broken down seven reasons why West deserves to win come election day.

1. Fresh ideas in the White House

As a political newcomer who has no relevant experience West would arrive in the Oval Office with a host of refreshing ideas that could potentially revolutionize the way the country operates. West had announced his intentions to run for President once before in 2015, with plans to modernize education curriculums around the country. This bid seems to have been delayed until now, but, knowing West, he has even more fresh ideas this time around.

2. An impressive resume

Compared to past presidents, West has achieved much more, and he has the awards to show for it. West has earned a Billboard Artist Achievement Award and 21 Grammy awards since dropping his first album in 2004. This blows all other presidents out of the water, with former-President Jimmy Carter having the next most at only three Grammys. In 2007, West was selected by GQ as International Man of the Year. Bill Clinton is the only former president that has also received this award. With countless other awards from less important entities like MTV, BET, etc. surely West has the most impressive resume of any presidential nominee.

3. He is a billionaire

One of the many lesser known requirements of being U.S. President is to be incredibly rich. The average American loves to have someone in charge that could purchase their entire extended family if need be. Every president since Harry S. Truman has been at least a millionaire. Kanye West’s net worth recently surpassed $1.3 billion. This is below average for a president, but certainly meets the minimum requirement of way more than anyone you know. Rest assured, West is rich, and therefore qualified to enter and win a race for the presidency.

4. West is not a woman

Another lesser-known requirement of being U.S. President is to be a man. West has proven to have all the overconfident, self-assured decision-making skills of a man, and these skills are needed to run a country, as well as local governments and most companies. A vote for West would insure that those pesky women will stay out of the Oval Office for at least another four years.

5. Endorsement from neighbors' kid

One of the most telling signs of a nominee’s support is his list of endorsements. In this case, West has strong endorsements from millions of fans, including your neighbors' kid, TJ. According to the bumper sticker on your neighbors' car, TJ is an honor student, which means he must be pretty smart. If he thinks Kanye West should be President, then it’s a pretty strong sign that he deserves your vote.

6. Is friends with God

Another strong endorsement for West comes from none other than God, himself. West’s last album “Jesus is King” was filled with sermon-like rhymes, and hymns sung by gospel choirs. His next album is set to be titled, “God’s Country”, and is sure to be similar in message and sound. Even before these two albums, West has expressed his closeness with God, and has recently said that it is his responsibility “to let people know what Jesus has done for me.” Come November, we will see if Jesus can also make him President.

7. F*ck it

Last Presidential election day, the dude from Celebrity Apprentice won. It would be pretty wild and a little bit funny if Kanye West won next. So f*ck it. Vote for Kanye.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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