A Poem For Cardinal Pell

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 26 February 2019


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Here's a lovely cuddly toy, now bend over

I, like many others, was outraged by the news that Cardinal Pell, the former Vatican treasurer, had been found guiilty in an Australian court of sexual offences against two boys in Melbourne in 1996.

The court arrived at its verdict in December last year, but, for legal reasons, this could not be reported until now.

Cardinal Pell, now 77, was convicted of one charge of sexually penetrating a child under 16, and four counts of committing an indecent act on a child under 16.

To commemorate this, I have written a short poem, so that we can all squirm and try to imagine the terror those two choir boys must have experienced once they were alone - probably in the dark - with the aforementioned Cardinal Pell.

Ode To Cardinal Pell

Cardinal Pell
Fucking hell
It's that filthy bastard
For whom tolls the bell

Cardinal Pell
Pray, kiss and tell
What did you get up to
Back there in your cell?

Cardinal Pell
Don't go into your shell
Come, tell us about when
You started to swell

Cardinal Pell
From favour you fell
Your choice, not their choice
When you made those lads yell

Cardinal Pell
You must have known well
The righteous would try
Your 'habit' to quell

Cardinal Pell
Do your fingers smell?
You dealt with the devil
Your foul'd soul to sell

I hope they 'treat' you well in jail, you filthmonger.

Woods 2019

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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