Pope Spoof News

9 August 2020

Controversy Over Photo of Pope John Paul II

VATICAN ((AP) As hundreds of mourners walked past Pope John Paul II's body which was laying in state in the frescoed Apostolic Palace, many hushed whispers broke out as the people got close to the body. The mourners generally remained respectful...

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Michael Jackson To Be Next Pope

Beleagured Michael Jackson is said to be delighted at his nomination to take over the reigns from well known pigeon fancier Pope John Paul II, deceased.

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Vatican Details Plans for Pope's Burial

Vatican City - Vatican official today provided detailed plans for the burial of Pope John Paul II. One detail that is sure to anger some longtime Pope-watchers is the plan to bury Pope John Paul in the grave used by Pope John the XXIII.

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Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

THE VATICAN—Pope Francis, in his new encyclical Masturbationes Licit, has now opened the practice of masturbation to some, but not all, Catholics. Said Pope Francis, “Given that our esteemed clergy appear to have—how do you say?—too much unrequited...

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McDonalds Purchases the Papacy, Ronald Made McPope

McDonalds Corporation has officially announced today its successful hostile takeover of the Roman Catholic Church and affiliated organisations. McDonalds now has exclusive rights to the Pope and the Vatican, whilst...

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Papal Conclave elects new Pope, debuts Papal Paypal initiative

VATICAN CITY, ROME - As the highly anticipated white smoke emerged today from the Sistine Chapel stovepipe chimney announcing the election of the new Pope, a collective cheer was heard from Catholics around the world.

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Pope Converts to Satanism

Pope Benedict XVI May Have To Step Down

Pope Fans Hope Retiring Pope Benedict XVI Will Regenerate Into Body Of Matt Smith

Pope to Pedophile Priests: Eat More Fish

Outrage as Pope's family celebration causes a riot

Congress To Choose An American For Pope

Pope Ratzinger Zings the Jews, the Gays and the Wizards All in One Week

Pope Palpatine Benedict Resigns

Cardinals Reveal "Morgan Freeman Was Our Second Choice"

Pope Benedict Urges Muslims to Give Up Their Oil to Christian Corporations Like Exxon Mobil

Pope hurries to waiting helicopter…catches last half of Price is Right!

Pope Offers ‘Buy One Get One Free' Catholic Weddings

Trump escapes impeachment by promoting himself to President Of Planet Earth aka POPE.

Following a tiring mind-numbing exercise in composing a six-page letter to Nancy Pelosi sprinkled with vehement denials and accusatory finger-pointing of ‘ impeachment scam & sham’, ‘witch hunt’, ‘fake news’, ‘open war on democracy’, blah blah, P...

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Pope Benedict Converts to Islam

VATICAN CITY -- Pope Benedict's speech last week, which the Muslim world took to condemn Islam for violence, set off a whole series of riots, church burnings and the murder of a nun. The Pope, following multiple failed apologies for his words, a...

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Pope Benedict XVI announces he is Santa Claus.

Vatican City - Yesterday in St. Peters Square, millions were shocked to both hear and see that Pope Benedict XVI is Santa Claus. Wearing a white fur-trimmed red bonnet and a red cape with white underneath, Santa waved to his fans after making...

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Airport-style security scanners will search Cardinals for pagan implants, satanic tattoos etc

Rome - A light frisking under the cassock was all that was needed in 2005 when the church's princes lined up their credentials to elect a new Pope under Olden Day rules. On Tuesday the Vatican's new get-tough policy on wackos and weirdos kicks int...

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A Poem For Cardinal Pell

I, like many others, was outraged by the news that Cardinal Pell, the former Vatican treasurer, had been found guiilty in an Australian court of sexual offences against two boys in Melbourne in 1996. The court arrived at its verdict in December la...

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Pope Holds Outdoor Service in Brazil; Prays for Soul of the Nation

Buenos Ares, Brazil - The Pope's first visit to Latin America has been a success, drawing little controversy, if any. But with The Holy See announcing today that he was holding a special outdoor prayer service in a personal intersession on behalf...

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Madonna To Be The New Pope

In a surprise move, pop star and all-round girl-you-wished-wasn't-next door Madonna is to become the new Pope.

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Pope Authorizes Social Distance Baptisms Using Water Pistols

"Over our 2,000-year history, the Church has always adjusted," said Pope Francis, as he announced a major change in baptisms rituals and canonical law to reflect the coronavirus situation. According to the New Testament, Jesus of Nazareth was submer...

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Pope Faults Jews for Holocaust Denier Scandal

Pope Benedict XVI says Jews are making "too big a deal" out of his decision to lift the excommunication of Bishop Richard Williamson, a Holocaust denier. "Jesus," the pontiff gutturally complained in German, "these constant gripers about Roman C...

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Donald Trump Takes Over Vatican: Tells Pope "You're Fired!"

Vatican City, Vatican -- The Catholic Church, due to failing membership amongst its disgruntled flock, has been taken over by New York based de...

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Rovers denied by last-gasp conversion

There was a dramatic end to a keenly-fought rugby match against local rivals Hull F.C. when Hull Kingston Rovers ran out of time after a late conversion. With only two minutes left, Rovers were trailing by just one point as their full-back was ge...

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Pope considering nuking Australia over Cardinal Pells phedophilia charges

In a highly secret meeting, the Pope was said to be outraged at the latest pedophile scandal to hit the church, demanding to know why Pell didn't mop this up before he left Australia. It seems time and his track record of deceit and outrage agains...

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Anger As Pussy Riot Vatican Gig Cancelled

There was anger and condemnation today from the Vatican, over the jailing of little known punk band Pussy Riot in Russia. The group was booked to play at the Popes 'Jesus Rocks' benefit concert next weekend, but the sentencing of the ladies in Mos...

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Vatican Displays Bones of Jesus Christ While 'Da Vinci Code' Rakes in $224 Million

THE VATICAN (UPI)--Reacting angrily to the $224 million gross worldwide opening of the "The Da Vinci Code" movie, Pope Benedict XVI dismissed its plot of a Catholic cover-up by publicly displaying the bones of Jesus Christ, which he said had been sto...

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