Cristiano Ronaldo Not 100% Gay
Manchester United players and staff have spoken out in support of striker Crustiano Retardo after it was alleged that he was the "gayest footballer in the Premiership".Read full story
Random Acts of Football (Part 1) Poland v England
The England v Poland World Cup qualifying match was postponed on Tuesday October 16th after heavy rain. The Stadium, purpose built for the Euro 2012 tournament held in Poland and Ukraine during the summer, has a roof but never used it. The match was rearranged for 4pm the following day, ending in a 1-1 draw. One match at Euro 2012, between co-hosts Ukraine and France, was suspended due to heavy...Read full story
Football Gossip: Scotland, Mourinho, England, Usain Bolt
Scotland head coach Alex McLeish urged his young players to show him they've "got a pair" against Israel on Thursday. After their shambolic defeat he apparently lined them all up in the dressing room and used calipers to measure their tackle before s...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Bloody Hell, Panama 6-1
Bloody hell I say and I'll say it again BLOODY HELL. A goal fest and where was I? I'll bloody well tell you, I was warming the effin bench again. It's every player's dream to play in a World Cup and as you know Brazil 2014 was a washout for me aft...Read full story
Andy Murray turned away from Wimbledon Centre Court on day of Mens Final
The final day of Wimbledon - traditionally the day of the mens final - was thrown into controversy early this morning when Andy Murray was refused entry by strict security staff. Murray - the first British mens finalist for 74 years - was turned a...Read full story
Icelandic Vikings invade English rights to rule the waves and win hands down!
England, a long, long time ago ruled the waves! Pillaged, raped and robbed the riches of others and built an Empire upon those riches! Only the Vikings from Northern Europe managed to withstand these attacks and after last night's invasion they prove...Read full story
Steven Gerrard Issues Full Statement
In a hastily convened press conference from Steven Gerrard's temporary home at a hotel in Southport, Steven Gerrard, England and Liverpool captain met with reporters and issued a formal statement in response to the flurry of internet rumours which ha...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Croatia and Cretinous Decisions. I told you so.
You know I told you so. It's taken a day or two for me to get over my anger, but now I feel free to vent my spleen. Forget Gareth's M&S waistcoat, the penalty win over Columbia, slab head Maguire's goal, getting us to the semi-final and all th...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Repino base
What a dump. I checked Tripadvisor before coming here and it's even worse then I thought. I'm in the middle of nowhere and there are less than 3,000 people here. Points of interest: Chapel of Saints Cosmas and Damian, you won't find me in there,...Read full story
The Secret England Footballer: First Round Tunisia Yessssssssss!
Would you Adam and Eve it? We only bloody did it. We bloody won a match. Harry, you're not the wuss I've been saying you are (not to your face, obviously). Hats off to the Tottenham mumbler. I always knew you were class. There was one downer for m...Read full story
2010 World Cup Could Be On English Soil
In sensational news, the 2010 football World Cup could be staged in England, after building problems in South Africa have put the tournament plans in serious jeopardy. FIFA president...Read full story
Concern As Football Supporter Defections Reach New High
Football supporters' clubs have expressed concern about the ease with which fans now switch club allegiances. 'It's changing the face of football,' lamented George "Kicker" Boot, the supporters' club chairman of, bottom of League Two, Stockport Co...Read full story
Palace 'tip-off' behind England black armbands deal
London - Someone in Buckingham Palace has had a strong hunch that the Queen might kick the bucket this weekend just as the England football squad lines up against Spain in a friendly. The premonition has seen players issued with black armbands ahe...Read full story
England vs Czech Republic: The day English Football finally lost its soul.
In news that will enrage English Soccer fans throughout the world David Beckham is the only first team regular who has made himself available to play the friendly at the new Wembley stadium on Wednesday night. Naked save for a tight pair of Armani...Read full story
England Still Have Everything To Play For
England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...Read full story
Love him or hate him you just can't get rid of him, Rooney!
English soccer has been use to mediocrity over the last 45 odd years and the shining example of this habit is in the one and only, Wayne Rooney (who?)! After breaking the English scoring record once held by a rather more talented, Sir Bobby Charlt...Read full story
Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls
Legendary former England, Leicester and Barcelona striker Gary Lineker has had enough of hilarious Twitterers reminding him of the time he crapped himself on the pitch during a group stage match versus the Republic of Ireland at the 1990 World Cup in...Read full story
Man's Terrifying Dreams Come True
A man in Battambang awoke in a cold sweat this morning after a restless night during which he had several nightmares, but this was only the start of his torture, as the disturbing things he had experienced whilst asleep, began to reveal themselves as...Read full story