England football team Spoof News

30 May 2023

Sweden 2 - 3 England "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!"

A crazy night and a "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!" game dragging the emotions of England from delight to despair and then finally to "Go Home To Your Ugly Wives!" with a winning goal! Throughout the match the Swedish fans had been mocking of the E...

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VAR To Sort Out If England 1966 World Cup Goal Was In Or Not

VAR, the Video Assistant Referee, which has proved so successful in helping on-field officials reach correct decisions in football matches all over the world, is to be used to determine whether or not the ball had crossed the line in England's 1966 W...

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Heskey is an Algerian Mafia Spy!

Sensational news has just been revealed, in that Emile Heskey, the man that many did not want to travel with the England squad to the World Cup Finals, is in the pay of the Algerian mafia. Although generally classed as a donkey when it comes to fo...

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England v Germany - Oz Out Of Auf Wiedersehen Pet Says "Smash The Erics!"

As Skoob News continues to plumb the depths of old comedy staples stereotyping our Germanic brothers ahead of Sunday's vital World Cup last sixteen clash with Germany in Bloemfontein, our reporter came across a motley crew of expats who worked in Dus...

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England play the "sheep shagging" Welsh in Battle of Britain!

England's game with the so-called "Sheep-Shaggers" the Welsh is certainly going to be a majestic "Battle of Britain" on Saturday. St.David against Goliath or the Welsh fire breathing dragons against the "hot and cold blowing primadonnas" led by th...

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England set to up the ante following claims of "shit tactics"

He's tried every formation under the Sun. Including those written only in God's dying language, Latin Now Fabio Capello is preparing one last roll of the dice, following his multi-million pound squad's failure to defeat minnows Montenegro. Taking...

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Fabio Capello's new book: "Tommy Cooper's training manual for World Cup Glory!"

McClaren Panics And Recalls Has-beens For 'Friendly'

Steven Gerrard Issues Full Statement

England and Germany to Replay 2nd half in World Cup

Fabio Capello, The English Coach Explains Exactly Why England Lost To Germany 4-1

FSA to be replaced by Masturbating Monkeys or...

England football team in catch phrase shenanigans

England football team arrive home, next stop, Afghanistan

David Beckham Could Represent USA at World Cup - Bending the Rules Like Beckham

Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls

Football Gossip & comments 10th August 2012

The Secret England Footballer's Countdown to Brazil 2014, Part 5: The Squad

Harry Maguire Implicated In Huge Betting Scandal

Police are looking into a huge betting scandal in the wake of the England football team's 5-3 victory over Kosovo in Southampton last night, with central defender Harry Maguire being the focus of their investigation. Maguire, it was, who dithered…

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Ashley Cole And Ledley King Lined Up For Bayern Munich Move

England's laughing cavalier duo, Ashley Cole and Ledley King have been sensationally linked with a move to Bayern Munich. Which may go some way towards explaining England's dire World Cup performances. Sources report that Cole and King had been...

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David Beckham Acquires Fast Plane To Beat DVT

After a warning by health experts that making too many flights between Los Angeles and London could constitute a health risk, footballer David Beckham has acquired a rather novel mode of transport to deal with the pr...

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England qui qui themselves against France!

Donetsk, somewhere in the land of nod: England went on the pitch last night determined not to play football against the "Sacre Bleus" (Who weren't much better) and were so frightened of losing they nearly "qui, qui'd" themselves. Memories of Chels...

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Fabio Makes Final Decision on Captaincy

England manager Fabio Capello has finally clarified the position regarding the captaincy of the top team. Over the last few weeks, the under pressure boss has taken the job away from Manchester United's Rio Ferdinand and handed it back to Chelsea'...

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Hodgson to Announce 25-man England Squad, to some bloke on Train

After divulging Rio Ferdinand's omission from the England squad to a passenger on the tube, Roy Hodgson is expected to name his full 25 man squad on the 19:15 Portsmouth to London, when asked by some guy. It is thought he may announce the squad be...

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Goal Line Technology (GLT) Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference In England v. Ukraine Game

Goal Line Technology, with which it can be instantly determined whether or not a football has crossed the goal-line, would not have had any overall benefit had it been used in the England v. Ukraine game on Tuesday, I claim. The spectre of GLT rai...

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Euro 2012: The real reason Frank Lampard was 'dropped from the squad' denial

The England camp today moved to distance themselves from claims in the Daily Fail newspaper that Frank Lampard is not really injured but was dropped from the squad because bosses were worried he would eat all the chocolate in Belgium where the team w...

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Manchester United's Chicharito Goes Fishing Up In Wales and Returns With A 70-Pound Goldfish

MANCHESTER - It has not been a good week for the Red Devils of Manchester United as Sir Alex Ferguson's team lost to rivals Chelsea and Liverpool. The team from Manchester managed to score only one goal in each of the two games. One of the sta...

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USA Bangs Out Moral Victory as UK Short Stop Boots Ball at World Cup!

In a scene reminiscent of Boston Red Sox Bill Bruckner letting the world series get away from him with a ground ball through his aging legs, USA fans were hysterical with glee as they won a moral victory in a 1-1 tie with their mates across the pond...

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The Secret England Footballer: Russia 2018 Call Up

I know...I know what you’re thinking. How is it that after two years in the wilderness Gormless Gareth has seen the light and called me back into the squad? I’ll tell you how. Even GG knows class when he sees it and it’s when the going gets tough...

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Football Gossip & comments 4th September 2012 - MICHAEL OWEN SPECIAL

Michael Owen has joined Stoke City on a one year contract. This ends speculation he would rejoin old club on Merseyside, Joke City. Owen was persuaded to join after a 30 minute conversation with life-long Stoke City fan and comedian Nick Hancock. Stoke fans said it was the best ever episode of 'Hancock's Half Hour' The deal was finally completed three days after the Transfer Window closed...

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Euro 2012: Injured Gary Cahill 'will spend tournament with John Terry's wife'

Roy Hodgson was left reeling last night after the fourth withdrawal to his Euro 2012 squad. Gary Cahill, with a broken jaw from saturdays 1-0 win over Belgium, joins midfielders Frank Lampard (thigh), Gareth Barry (abdomen) and goalkeeper John Rud...

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England Are The New Tottenham

After crashing out of the world cup, Manager Fabio Capello revealed reasons why England could never win anything and at least not be humiliated. The Italian revealed that England's football team in general had a striking resemblance to the fortune...

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