After England's ignominious 4-1 defeat by Germany, the English Football Association has turned to an unlikely source of salvation, David Icke.
This shock decision is sure to outrage many England fans already angered by their team's poor performance.
Icke, best known for his crackpot theories involving lizard men from the planet Draco, had formerly been a goal keeper and sports commenter, the FA was keen to point out.
Surprisingly it was Fabio Capello who suggested the idea of Icke as his replacement.
"I am a big fan of David's" he told the media "particularly his work on the new world order, which I am sure played a role in England's poor result."
Icke, who then appeared dressed in a track suit, chanting "it's coming to Draco, it's coming to Draco, football's coming home,"agreed.
"Its the NGOs, the illuminati, the elders of Zion, they planned it all along as I revealed in my book last year: England, what a pile of shit.I mean why did North Korea go out and South Korea go through? Its problem, reaction, solution. We're talking bigger picture here."
Icke says his immediate plan is to dress the team in turquoise and introduce a diamond formation.
