Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Monday, 27 July 2015

image for Gary Lineker Vows To Take Revenge On Twitter Trolls
Lineker could be up to his neck in it with BBC bigwigs after his Twitter rant

Legendary former England, Leicester and Barcelona striker Gary Lineker has had enough of hilarious Twitterers reminding him of the time he crapped himself on the pitch during a group stage match versus the Republic of Ireland at the 1990 World Cup in Italy.

The infamous incident, or 'Shitgate' as it's become known, was the result of a dodgy meal on the island of Sardinia a couple of days before the match. While stretching to reach an over hit pass he literally couldn't contain himself and evacuated his bowels right there on the Sardinian turf. A brown plaque has since been placed at the stadium to commemorate the moment.

Since Lineker joined Twitter every tweet has been greeted with endless replies of "shat on" followed by a reference to the particular tweet. For example, when referencing Walker Crisps in a tweet, the responses are usually, "Shat on Walkers Crisps." Enough to test the patience of the Saint like Lineker.

The usually mild mannered former goalhanger, who was never cautioned or sent off in an illustrious 16 year career, laid into the trolls in an expletive laden string of shit scary tweets late on Sunday night, most of which are unfit to print and have since been deleted by the former England captain.

Jug eared Lineker, who's hosted the BBC's flagship football show Match of the Day since 1999, told his followers, "This has gone far enough, I'm sure many of you only do this for shits and giggles but I've f#cking well had enough. Shat on all of you!"

In another potty mouthed tweet, an irate Lineker vowed to visit every trolls house and leave a poo on their doorstep. Explaining how he would do it he tweeted, "I'll ghost in through their back gardens before using my deadly accurate brown eye for goal. I never miss the target."

Shit stirring twitterers have responded with outrage, one man, @shittypants123, told Lineker, "You can bog off you brown nosing BBC bastard." Linekers trolls were quick to turn the tables on him by endlessly tweeting "Shat on revenge."

Police are believed to be investigating Linekers threats and he faces a possible caution, the first of his so far unblemished career. Also, this scatological scandal may leave Lineker in hot bidet water with his BBC chiefs, one executive telling us the incident is sure to leave a bad taste in the mouths of his BBC bosses following never ending recent scandals, and they're also considering taking disciplinary action against the usually placid Lineker.

Meanwhile, Lineker will be appearing in an episode of BBC show 'Crap in the Attic' attempting to sell his infamous unlaundered underpants to raise money for an incontinent former footballers charity.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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