Man still hasn't finished something
Famed Mithering on the Trent boffin Simon Fotherington still hasn't finished something, even though he has been doing it for years. 'Oh,' said the morose 47-year-old. 'There are lots of things I haven't finished. Raising my children, the Kama Sutr…
Read full storyCouple matched on a website still haven't emailed each other
Firestarter.com, the dating website for any up and coming men and women about town, has successfully matched a few people, been sued fourteen times, but the latest match, Lorraine Black and Raymond Valentino, haven't even written to each other. Lo…
Read full storyQ-Anon Change Date of Trump Inauguration and Resulting "Storm" Again, to January 20, 2024
Washington D.C.- The extremist conspiracy group Q-Anon predicted a "Storm" in which Donald Trump was to be returned to power - despite losing the election - on January 20th. The event failed to materialize again on March 4th as they had predicted.
Read full storyNeanderthal Thinking: A History Lesson, Retort, and Proposed Research Project
The governors of Texas and Mississippi who are upset about being characterized as Neanderthal thinkers by President Biden need both a history lesson and better retorts than the ones they’ve used so far. Rather than object to Biden’s label, they migh…
Read full storyGOP Asks Senate Dems to Write "GOP is the Party of Fiscal Responsibility" 10,000 Times on Chalk Board
Washington D.C. - As a requirement of passing the $1.9 trillion Covid Relief Bill in the U.S. Senate, Republican senators are taking advantage of an old 1829 law, still on the books, requiring that senators of the party asking Congress to spend money…
Read full storyBiden Calls Texas Thinking Neanderthal
Poor Texas. Freezing from the 2021 winter from the coldest arctic blast ever, destroying waterlines, no running water, freezing the grid, without any heat, or food, people burning furniture to stay warm or freezing to death in homes, cars, some survi…
Read full storyAnger as Mr Potato Head changes name
There was an outcry among certain sectors of social media this week at the announcement that Mr Potato Head would be changing his name to Potato Head. Right wing commentator Ben Whiner said, "I can't believe it. Mr Potato Head was like a father fi…
Read full storyReality Show Queen Kate Gosselin Breaks Up With Steven Tyler
WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) – The rumor that has been circulating for the past 24 hours is true. Kate Gosselin, who has starred in more reality shows than McDonalds has McNuggets, confided to BuzzFuzz reporter Sonora Cahoots, that her…
Read full storyFlorida Is Sued By California Over Its "No More Masks" Ruling
TALLAHASSEE – (Satire News) – In an explosive decision, the governor of the Plywood State has just announced that, effective immediately, citizens of Florida will no longer have to wear medical masks, practice self-distancing, avoid public beaches, o…
Read full storyMan Got Spunk In His Eye
A man who is a confirmed habitual masturbator has told friends on social media of a recent incident in which an overzealous tug resulted in an 'unexpected outcome', when a blob of semen spurted out of his Jap's Eye into a corresponding orifice on his…
Read full storyNational Guard Waited For Three Hours
On January 6, the National Guard was made to wait three hours before being given the green light to move and protect the Capitol. House and Senate members were made to wait, barricaded behind doors, fearing for their lives, hiding from the invading T…
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