Neanderthal Thinking: A History Lesson, Retort, and Proposed Research Project

Funny story written by Charles Havers

Friday, 5 March 2021

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Neanderthals thinking

The governors of Texas and Mississippi who are upset about being characterized as Neanderthal thinkers by President Biden need both a history lesson and better retorts than the ones they’ve used so far. Rather than object to Biden’s label, they might also consider whether Biden has hit on what it is that is leading to our dysfunctional government.

First, the history lesson. Of course, the governors of Mississippi and Texas engage in Neanderthal thinking. They are, after all, part Neanderthal. That’s because there were a number of hominid species that have existed over the past half-million years or so, and some of them, including Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals, interbred Accordingly, most of us are part Neanderthal. If you are interested, 23 and Me and similar sites can tell you how much of a Neanderthal you are.

For a better retort to Biden, the governors might use a strategy they learned in grade school. They might say something like: “So what, Mr. President. You’re a bigger Neanderthal thinker.”

Now for the suggested research project. There seems to be quite a bit of Neanderthal thinking in politics. Why is this? One might start to address this question by sequencing the DNA of all 535 members of Congress to determine if their percentage of Neanderthal DNA exceeds that of the average American. If so, might that account for all the nonsense that comes out of Washington?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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