WYOMISSING, Pennsylvania – (Satire News) – The rumor that has been circulating for the past 24 hours is true.
Kate Gosselin, who has starred in more reality shows than McDonalds has McNuggets, confided to BuzzFuzz reporter Sonora Cahoots, that her longtime long relationship with Aerosmith’s frontman Steven Tyler is over.
When pressed for the details, Kate the Great, as Tyler had pegged her, said that there were several reasons for the breakup.
Gosselin noted that Tyler had become increasingly depressed due to his not having a hit record on the Top 40 music chart, since he hit male menopause.
He has also been sullen ever since his hair inexplicably turned chartreuse when he fell in Britney Spears’ swimming pool.
And since Presidents Day, he has been having to strain to hit some of the higher register notes.
Tyler insists that it’s just Peruvian allergies, but his doctor, Kate, and BFF Ricky Gervais, all say that it’s the 72; as in the 72 years he has been straining his voice by hitting notes that are barely on the music scale.
Kate told Sonora, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, that the 27-year age difference finally took, it’s told, as she pointed out that foreplay with S-Ty had gone from 16 minutes all the way down to 3 seconds.