TALLAHASSEE – (Satire News) – In an explosive decision, the governor of the Plywood State has just announced that, effective immediately, citizens of Florida will no longer have to wear medical masks, practice self-distancing, avoid public beaches, or be required to shelter-in-place.
The news media is reporting that millions of Floridians are happy, and millions are pissed off as hell. The breakdown is Republicans are as happy as flies in an outhouse, and the Democrats are as pissed off as a polar bear in the Mojave Desert.
But the governor of Florida says he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone thinks. He even told CNN's Anderson Cooper that any residents of the Citrus State who don't like his decision can just pack up their belongings and move up to the neighboring states of Alabama or Georgia.
As a result, the governor of California has just filed a $16.6 trillion C-19 negligence lawsuit, against Florida, Disney World, and the world-champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers, for not giving a damn about, not only the citizens of Florida, but about the entire nation as well.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is so upset, that she will be taking steps to take away rich, Florida, GOP Republicans' yacht allowances, and their hurricane insurance, plus she will increase their Rolls Royce insurance by 600%,
Meanwhile, Vice-President Harris has agreed with President Biden's decision to restrict travel to and from the state until further notice.