Man Got Spunk In His Eye

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 5 March 2021

image for Man Got Spunk In His Eye
A good pair of swimming goggles offers good protection

A man who is a confirmed habitual masturbator has told friends on social media of a recent incident in which an overzealous tug resulted in an 'unexpected outcome', when a blob of semen spurted out of his Jap's Eye into a corresponding orifice on his face, temporarily blinding him.

The ironically-named Duncan Inchcock, whose penis is 45 centimeters long, was 'hammering one out' in the bedroom of his home in Fort Lauderdale, with the aid of several pieces of cliterature, when a premature ejaculation caught him completely unawares, and spat spunk in the veteran spoof writer's left eye.

Mr. Inchcock, who also writes under the names of D. P. Whitehead, Duncan Whitehead, Edwina Unhatched, Blackpool Tower Bob, Tatty Mullet, Arthur Pint, Chesty Coff, Fly Tipper, Danny Gubbins, Dermot O'Splinter, Ted Bollox, Jenny Bigtits, Gay Larry, Grainy Photo, and Blocked Drain, said:

"Yes, that's right. I was going out to my Wanking Circle, but I was a bit early, so I thought 'Well, why not?' I quickly summoned up a mental image of Barbara next door, and rose to the occasion, as it were."

Squinting, he went on:

"Things were going well, when, all of a sudden, and without any prior warning, I came in my own eye."

After several hours of flushing his eye with cold water*, he had got most of it out, but will have another look in the bathroom mirror when he gets up tomorrow morning.

Fort Lauderdale police are not investigating.

*TheSpoof.com would like to advise all its readers that spunk in the eye can be extremely dangerous, and, in the unfortunate event of 'shooting yourself in the eye', the eye should be flushed with clean cold water until it is no longer sticky.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more