Gestation Crates Approved for Human Use
For new mothers seeking to give their offspring the health benefits of breast milk without having to get too close, gestation crates, commonly used in pork production, have now been approved for human use. "It's perfect," said new mom Kim Lowell,...
Read full storyPresident Trump Buys 13 McDonald's Restaurants
Washington, D.C. – Donald Trump has informed Ipso Facto Illustrated Magazine that he has signed an agreement to purchase 13 McDonald’s Restaurants. The president stated that he already owns 270,301 shares in the hamburger chain. “Look, it is no s...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo Scores Seventh Hat-trick In As Many Games
Former Manchester United star, Cristiano Ronaldo, is tearing up the record books in Italy, where, on Sunday, he scored three goals in a match for the seventh consecutive game, Juventus losing 2-1 to Napoli. Last week, Juventus beat Roma 3-1 to to...
Read full storyPrince Andrew blames his refusal to help US Attorney on “those pesky sweat glands”
Buckingham Palace was under the spotlight again today, as US Attorney, Geoffrey Berman, said at a news conference that the Prince had so far given "zero cooperation" with the Jeffrey Epstein sex crimes investigation. The Prince had previously promise...
Read full storyThe Green Bay Packers Are Moving To Pensacola, Florida
GREEN BAY – The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that the Green Bay Packers have decided to move to Pensacola, Florida. Team spokesperson Shanquisha Cuttermeister, 43, told VPNA reporter Ichabod Fernandez that the owners had been considering makin...
Read full storyPrince Andrew Bombshell: I was in a Whitechapel pie and mash shop when FBI tried to contact me
Beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has claimed that he was in a pie and mash shop in East London when the FBI were trying to gain his assistance with their investigation into his close friend, the late Jeffrey Epstein and his links to sex trafficking.
Read full storyLooking Glass War: Putin To Allow Bolton To Testify In Impeachment Trial
BILLINGSGATE POST: The wings of the hummingbird fluttering outside the window of John Bolton’s Washington office were squeaking, not humming. Bolton awoke from his brown Naugahyde BarcaLounger with a start. A workman with a can of WD-90 approached th...
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