Prince Andrew Bombshell: I was in a Whitechapel pie and mash shop when FBI tried to contact me

Written by Clive Danton

Wednesday, 29 January 2020

image for Prince Andrew Bombshell: I was in a Whitechapel pie and mash shop when FBI tried to contact me

Beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has claimed that he was in a pie and mash shop in East London when the FBI were trying to gain his assistance with their investigation into his close friend, the late Jeffrey Epstein and his links to sex trafficking.

A spokesman for Prince Andrew said last night: "His Royal Highness wishes it to be known that he was in Kelly's pie and mash shop in Whitechapel High Street during the entire time the Bureau were trying to contact him.

"He had pie, double mash and liquor with fruit pie and custard for afters.

"He doesn't have a receipt, unfortunately, so you'll just have to take our word for it."

We spoke to the shop's owner, Bill Kelly last night who denied that Prince Andrew was in his eaterie at the time:

"No mate", he told us. "I'd have remembered something like that.

"Mind you, we did have the Queen Mother in here in 1941, when she was inspecting the bomb damage in the East End after the Luftwaffe bombed the docks.

"No, if Prince Andrew had come in, he'd have been battered by the other customers.

"We don't take kindly to nonces around here"

In other royal news, Meghan Markle has been savaged in the tabloids for giving tacit support to communism after she was spotted wearing a red jumper in a Toronto millinery shop last Friday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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