GREEN BAY – The Vox Populi News Agency is reporting that the Green Bay Packers have decided to move to Pensacola, Florida. Team spokesperson Shanquisha Cuttermeister, 43, told VPNA reporter Ichabod Fernandez that the owners had been considering making a move since September 19, 2016.
Team management stated that a majority of the players had said that they were simply fed up with having to play their games on an ice field where game time temperatures, at times, dipped below -47 degrees. Third-string place kicker, Hansel Murkenbangor, 37, of Sardine City, Norway, said, “If I had wanted to play on friggin ice, I would have taken up Ice Hockey back when I was in friggin kindergarten, yah.”
Quarterback Aaron Rogers, (#12), remarked that he and his baby doll girlfriend, Danica Patrick, 37, who stands 5’2” and weighs 99 pounds, are thrilled with the move. He went on to say that, at the age of 36, the North Pole-like weather conditions are now affecting a lot of his personal body parts, and they are starting to atrophy [Editor’s Note: Shrink] just a little too much for his and Dani’s happiness.
He also noted that he and Danica feel like Eskimos every time that they go out to eat at McDonalds, Harpo’s Hot Dogs, or Taco’s R Us.
Many of the die-hard Packers fans have said that they plan to move to Pensacola and support their Packers team.
One longtime Packers fan, identified as Buck “Bubba” Titsyheimer, said that his wife, Zootie Sue, refuses to move. He added that he’s definitely moving, and he’s taking 4 of their 5 kids, their 3 dogs, their 2 cats, and one of the buffaloes. He remarked that the other one, the girl buffalo, is staying in Green Bay with his wife and her mother, Paprika P. Pippenhauser, 73.
(VPNA is reporting that the Packers organization is planning on changing the uniform colors, of the soon-to-be Pensacola Packers, from green and gold to orange and fuchsia).