Trump and Bolton Anxious for Opportunity to Personally Lead Nation's Troops Into War With Iran
Washington - President Donald Trump and National Security Advisor John Bolton are looking forward to an opportunity to showcase the bravery they unfortunately couldn't exhibit during the Vietnam War, due to circumstances beyond their control, by donn...
Read full storyTrump A Busted Flush In UK Premiership Football Club Scam
London, UK - (Offside Mess): Mighty property mogul Donald J Trump failed miserably in an attempted 2014 ‘compulsory purchase’ plan to take over a top flight UK Premier League club, a former linesman said today. The scam started with a fake bankers...
Read full storyBarr and Mueller flee to Saudi Arabia
Mr. Barr and Mr. Mueller have left the country. Insider analysis puts these gentlemen at a resort called Mar Al Lago East—southeast Saudi Arabia, in the Rub’ Al Khali desert area, somewhat out of earshot of the war in Yemen. Mr. Barr has been p...
Read full storyLiving by Anti-Zen Principles
In the ongoing culture war, authoritarian nationalists continue to lose ground every second of the day. Diverse, well-adjusted human beings are living their lives as true to themselves as they can, all the while pursuing interests which are geared to...
Read full storyPhone costs football star his car
LUNDUN, Merry Old England -- District Judge Katie Bar'Dor declared soccer has-been Dave Beck-Hamm a “menace to the road” and prohibited him from driving for six months after the athlete was spied talking on a mobile phone while driving his Bentley.
Read full storyIceland launches new low cost cryonics service
Frozen food retailer Iceland took the lucrative cryonics industry by surprise today with the launch of a low cost service for those wishing to freeze their body, or parts of it, for the future. Marketed under the brand name 'Super-Chill', the serv...
Read full storyTaxidermist To The Stars Claims He Mounted Pelosi And Biden
BILLINGSGATE POST: Taxidermist to the Stars, Slim Everdingle, a legend in Hollywood for his use of life-like, non-Botox treatments to extend the careers of past and present stars such as Trigger, Barbra Streisand and Arnold Schwarzenegger, confessed...
Read full storyAbacus still works after 66 years in loft
When Cambridge astrophysicist Dr Aaron Phelps recently sorted out his loft he was thrilled to discover the abacus his parents gave him on his first birthday, back in 1953. "I had no idea it was up there," Dr Phelps told us. "I thought it had been...
Read full storySimple brain zapper gives older adults the cognitive skills of a 20 year old
A Birmingham man has invented an electrical device which he claims dramatically improves the working memory of older adults. The ‘Cerebrummie’ is the brainchild of retired BT engineer Arthur Monke and goes on sale next week for only £4.99 in selec...
Read full storyNo Comment from Coworkers as New York Man Continues to Wear Same Outfit to Work Every Day for Three Weeks and Counting
Broke, not a big shopper, and having recently gained some weight following a difficult divorce, technical support specialist Jim Belmont of New York City has been wearing the same long-sleeved, pastel-colored button-down shirt and nondescript gray tr...
Read full storyDanny Baker Mulling-Over Spoof Invitation
Danny Baker, the former BBC radio presenter, sacked by the BBC on Thursday for tweeting an inappropriate picture of Prince Harry and his wife Meghan with a chimp, says he is giving "serious consideration" to an invitation to join satirical news websi...
Read full storyBarcelona Misery Total After Team Bus Was 'Up On Bricks'
"It never rains but it pours", is the way the old saying goes, and it was never more true than on Tuesday night at Anfield, when the Barcelona football team, humiliated and dumped out of the Champions League by Liverpool, emerged from the stadium for...
Read full storyHarry And Meghan Reveal Inspiration For Baby's Name
The newest Royal parents, Prince Harry and Meghan, have revealed the source of inspiration for the name of their son, Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor: the character Archie Mitchell in the BBC's miserable soap drama, EastEnders. The father of...
Read full storyAnnoying Trend of Nationalist Machine Gun Talking
The smoke signal is one of the oldest forms of long-distance communication. It is a form of visual communication used over long distance. In general, smoke signals are used to transmit news, signal danger, or gather people to a common area.(source: W...
Read full storyHole In Woman's Jeans Exposed Filthy Underkegs
Ripped and torn denims are all the rage at the moment, but those in the jeans of one woman on a bus in the East Riding of Yorkshire left her cruelly exposed at the weekend, when a hole the size of a £5 note in the seat of her jeans revealed a grubby...
Read full storyUber Purchases Ailing 737 Max 8s For New Venture
Bangkok, Thailand - Uber Thailand is taking on a new look! No longer are Uber drivers limited to driving their own vehicles - they can now own and drive a wingless Boeing 737 Max 8. CEO Dara Khosrowshahi is "piloting" the program in Bangkok, Thai...
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