Living by Anti-Zen Principles

Funny story written by C/L

Thursday, 9 May 2019

image for Living by Anti-Zen Principles
You have to be doing a thousand rotten things at the same time!

In the ongoing culture war, authoritarian nationalists continue to lose ground every second of the day. Diverse, well-adjusted human beings are living their lives as true to themselves as they can, all the while pursuing interests which are geared towards self improvement, and the benefit of others. One of these interests being the practice of Zen.

As a paranoid and angry nationalist myself, I have come up with the antidote: a set of anti-Zen principles to live by.

Meditation is the most important part of a Zen-life. It's dangerous and stupid!

To combat this hippie-dippy-shit, one must develop a solid anti-meditation technique. I've turned to running up the street and throwing eggs at my neighbor's windows. The most important part of this anti-meditation is to practice being in the moment while the eggs are thwacking against the glass.

It doesn't matter the type of activity you use. Sitting around thinking lewd thoughts, eating expired yogurt, running up and down the aisles of your local grocery store in an obnoxious fashion, or acting like a strong man in a hipster cafe. Just make sure your mind is cluttered and anxious, and to do it regularly.

Anti-meditation doesn't work if you are doing only one thing at a time. You have to be doing a thousand rotten things at the same time!

You have to enjoy the nastier moments of your day. I say 'nastier', because, if you are a good authoritarian, then everything is nasty, so you really want to savor the truly rotten moments that you're responsible for.

If you think that you are going to find happiness within, then you're sadly mistaken. You have to find happiness in greed, self-indulgence, and ruthless-pettiness. You have to find happiness in the shitty things you are doing.

You have to focus on the doing. Don't blindly focus on what you are trying to achieve. You must develop habits that support your nihilistic behaviors. When you focus on being a bastard, then you will automatically achieve the despicable outcomes that you are after.

And finally, you have to realize that the point of anti-Zen is being alive long enough to have made people's lives miserable.

Don't be thoughtful, spend your life living like an asshole. Make yourself useless. Create problems, detract from the value in life. Last but not least, enjoy being a jerk!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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