Iran Sends 1,000 Hamburgers To Donald Trump
To appease President Donald Trump’s warmongering threats directed toward the nation of Iran, (a place Trump has trouble locating on a map) the President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani, is sending 1,000 hamburgers to Washington DC as a gift for the president...
Read full storyManchester City now too expensive to hate fans admit
Due to accounting irregularities currently under investigation by UEFA, it has been revealed that Manchester Cty are now the most expensive club in the world for fans to hate and revile. From next season, the average cost of just going to a match...
Read full storyDaenerys Targaryen to announce bid for Tory Leadership
Following the successful completion of popular soft-core porn series "Game of Thongs", mad Queen of the Ashes, Mother of Dragons and Breaker of chains, Daenerys "Dany" Targaryen, is to make her next move in politics by throwing her hat into the ring...
Read full storyNerds angry at ending of fantasy TV show
Epic fantasy TV show Wangs, Puppies and Other Mythical Beasts has come to an end after nearly 10 years. It has become one of the most popular TV programmes in the world, and has built up a fanbase so large that it even includes normal people. Nerd...
Read full storyBlack People Fed Up with Middle Class White Boys Singing in Faux Jamaican Accents
Tom Walker was born in Glasgow, but when he was three years old his family moved to the Cheshire town of Knutsford. He described his upbringing in a 'Glaswegian house' as his parents spoke in impenetrable accents. George Ezra Barnett was born in H...
Read full storyCity Employee's Urinalysis Shows Remarkably High Levels of Green Tea
The most recent urinalysis of 19-year-old Department of Public Works groundskeeper Ian Farrell, who, like all city employees, is required to submit to regular drug testing, revealed remarkably high levels of green tea, with levels of polyphenols and...
Read full storyMarvel's 'Avengers: Endgame' Nets $2 Billion And DC Comics...Celebrates?!
Now that 'Avengers: Endgame' has become a $2.6 billion worldwide success, the Marvel movie has been greeted not with jeers and inconsolable depression from DC Comics, but rather cheers and an almost Joker-like psychotic happiness. Marvel's cinemat...
Read full storySpanish Squash Champion Unhappy at Vibrator Prize
Female participants in a squash championship in northern Spain were awarded a vibrator, wax and a kit to remove foot calluses, leading to a debate about sexism in sport. There were resignations at the organising club after the top women players of...
Read full storyKeith Flint's Ghost Visits Pub Looking Slightly Less Scary Than Keith Flint Did
There were a few raised eyebrows but no shrieking at an Essex public house at the weekend, when the ghost of former landlord, Keith Flint, paid an unexpected visit to the pub, and, as he was used to doing, started the fire in the bar. Flint, 49, d...
Read full storyMilkshake launcher avoids protesters ruining their own clothes
Protesters who attack politicians with milkshakes face two dangers: a good chance of being arrested and, even worse, an expensive dry-cleaning bill for their own designer clothes ruined by the inevitable splashback. But a Chelmsford company has co...
Read full storyThe Wonderful World Of Uninteresting Animals #2: The Duck-billed Platypus
Welcome to the second - and quite possibly, the last, if current interest is anything to go by - episode in our series about uninteresting animals. This week, I'm going to tell you a little bit about the Duck-billed Platypus, but only a little, be...
Read full storyGareth Bale To Dispense With 'Man Bun'
Gareth Bale, the Real Madrid footballer who is looking for a new club to play for after rumours that the Spanish giants are to replace him, is to have his 'man bun' removed, and face the music of baldness. The Welshman has used the stick-on dollop...
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