Iran Sends 1,000 Hamburgers To Donald Trump

Written by K.C. Bell

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

image for Iran Sends 1,000 Hamburgers To Donald Trump
"I see pickles and I see onions."

To appease President Donald Trump’s warmongering threats directed toward the nation of Iran, (a place Trump has trouble locating on a map) the President of Iran, Hassan Rouhani, is sending 1,000 hamburgers to Washington DC as a gift for the president.

The aroma of the 1,000 hamburgers drifted down to the ground as the plane circled over Dulles International Airport, landing with a thump and a burp on the tarmac.

“I hope and pray they have plenty of onions and pickles,” said Trump, the first sign of prayer or religion since Bush's funeral. “Send Marine One to Dulles to pick them up. How soon will they be here?”

He was told that immigration would have to inspect each hamburger to meet US food standards and of course, a team of police dogs would have to sniff out the hamburgers for any bombs or explosives.

“No, no dogs. Those dogs will eat all my hamburgers, and I’ll have nothing left. Send Giuliani to Dulles to run interference with immigration. He can yap, yap, yap, and if they give him any lip, send Barr. Barr can have one of my hamburgers.”

John Bolton stormed into the Oval office, knocking over a floor lamp, and announced that Trump could not accept a single hamburger from Iran because then Bolton would have to cancel his plans to nuke Iran. The hamburgers were just a deep state attempt by Kerry and his team to buy peace with the US, and stop an invasion of Iran.

“Furthermore, you promised. After you went soft like a cream puff on North Korea and little Kim, you said I could do war with Iran.”

“What if I eat the hamburgers, and you nuke Iran afterward?”

“How long will it take to finish the hamburgers?”

“About one hundred days."

Plans were set. Planes were fueled. War was imminent.

On the 99th day of the hamburger gorge, CNN announced that another plane from Iran was landing at Dulles with another 1,000 hamburgers for Donald Trump.

“What the hell is this, some kind of god-damn Scheherazade?” asked Bolton.

No. It’s peace in our time!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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