Li’l Wilmer Defeats Schift E Coyote In Loose Bowel Showdown In Saudi Arabia
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a battle that no one thought could be staged - at least in the free world - Li’l Wilmer, who held the IAAF World Diarrhea All Specie Championship, defeated Schift E Coyote in an historic dog doo-doo contest that left spectators...
Read full storyNew Study Shows Opioids Really Not That Bad, Good For Shift Workers
In a shocking turn of events, everything we thought we knew about the so called "Opioid Epidemic" has been turned on its head. Results of a too-secret five-year study of the drugs has determined that, as long as a person continues to take them, wi...
Read full storyHarry Maguire: Manchester United Can Be Champions
Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England central defender, has said that his team can still win the Premier League title this season - and he can prove it. The Yorkshireman was speaking after United's stunning 2-1 victory over their intens...
Read full storyMichael Buble CDs to become Legal Tender
Following high-level discussions in Parliament, with talks of a post-Brexit financial catastrophe, politicians have revealed that Michael Buble CDs will become legal tender in 2020. The CDs often kept following divorces, and relationship breakups,...
Read full storyNew York Writer Realizes She Must Have Genuine Love of Writing Because She's Definitely Not Getting Anything Else Out of It
Charlotte Bonner of New York City, who spends her days doing a Manhattan office grind and her evenings working on short stories, blog posts and a novel-in-progress, none of which have ever garnered her any professional attention let alone financial r...
Read full storyMan looking forward to spoiling Christmas Carols
Former school bully, Colin Smythe, from Orpington on the Sea, has revealed, to no-one's great surprise, that he is looking forward to the Christmas Carol service this year. This is because, once again, his loud, aggressive, out of tune punk-styled vo...
Read full storyEtch a Sketch cafe launches festive Coffee
Kevin Wilkes, the 24-year-old owner of Chutney on the Fritz's latest coffee emporium, Sketchy, has revealed his new range of seasonal drinks. There is the Marshmallow Maximiser, which is just an extra two marshmallows with a Hot Chocolate - perfec...
Read full storyBrian Asshat and Gary Johnson have never actually met
Two of Chutney on the Fritz's most colourful characters, single train-spotting grammar fan and enemy of all things fun, Brian Asshat, and football-loving, toffee penny-loving husband, Gary Johnson, move in completely separate social circles. Brian...
Read full storyMan Successfully Deprogrammed Trumpist Cult Followers With Neuralyzer Prop From “Men In Black” Movie
Culver City, California - A local man who worked on the "Men In Black" movie series was able to bring several brainwashed devotees of cult leader Donald Trump back to reality by simply flashing a neuralyzer prop that he kept as a memento of his work...
Read full storyLocal man slavers visibly during machine gun fantasy about noisy supermarket family
A 54-year-old Whitechapel man found himself salivating during a trip to his local Lidl supermarket, as he fantasised about scything down a noisy family in the shop with an old fashioned Tommy Gun. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer, had to wipe...
Read full storySpoof Writer's Book On Amazon Was A Bit Pricey
A man who was looking into the affairs of a writer on the satirical news website, TheSpoof.com, was astonished to find that a book written by that writer was listed on www.Amazon.com at a rather pricey $965.90, which took some believing, I can tell y...
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