Brian Asshat and Gary Johnson have never actually met

Funny story written by Ben Macnair

Saturday, 7 December 2019

image for Brian Asshat and Gary Johnson have never actually met
Oh my god, a talking Lion. This won't end well, will it?

Two of Chutney on the Fritz's most colourful characters, single train-spotting grammar fan and enemy of all things fun, Brian Asshat, and football-loving, toffee penny-loving husband, Gary Johnson, move in completely separate social circles.

Brian, who lives on the east side of the river, only has the internet for company, and can often be seen throwing his shoes at passersby in the street. Gary, who lives with wife, Lorraine, and an unnamed cat, has a busy and active social life, playing football, and spending time in the pub playing darts.

When asked why neither one knew each other, both were entirely at a loss.

'I know a lot of people, and Brian just isn't one of them' said Gary.

Brian said: 'Unless Gary uses atrocious grammar and spelling on the internet, or is on the station, spotting trains from 7.00 in the morning, it is highly unlikely that I will know of him and his work.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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