Johnson's U-Turn U-Turn
Looking like the ghost of a hunchbacked chef that haunts a ruined French patisserie, Prime Minister Boris Johnson performed a radical U-turn on his previous radical U-turn by revoking his earlier U-turn of doing everything everyone wants all at the s...
Read full storyFootball Fan Abuse
A football team has turned the tables on abusive fans, as they booed a section of their home support at the final whistle. Siddrington Town, who play in the 15673rd tier of English football, turned on their support at the end of a dismal 0-0 draw...
Read full storyIt's Grim Up In Grim
A crisis engulfed the sleepy Durham mining village of Grim today, as locals reported several strange weather events throughout the week. Residents were baffled when the usually incessant rain began to stop for up to 20 minutes a day. Geordie G...
Read full storyHillary refuses VP spot on Bloomberg-Clinton ticket
Inside sources indicate Ms. Clinton has severe reservations on joining with Mr. Bloomberg for the 2020 presidential election next November. “Once a bride, or even twice, is enough,” she told reporters, “in this age of gender equality and alteratio...
Read full storyPrince Andrew Denies He "Ever Ate a Pizza With Salad in the Middle of it" at Pizza Express
London - Answering new charges revealed by eyewitnesses at past visits by Prince Andrew to several local Pizza Express restaurants, Prince Andrew vehemently denied having ordered and consumed a Pizza Leggera, a strange pie concocted by the eatery cha...
Read full storyMan buying Quality Street just for the Toffee Penny
Gary Johnson, Chutney on the Fritz's football-loving husband, has revealed that he only buys tins of Quality Street (other tins of confectionary are available) for the Toffee Penny. Talking to us from the saturated pitch at the Hope and Hopeless p...
Read full storyTrump Will Send ISIS Fighters Back to France As Soon as the Kurds He Abandoned Have Located Them
London, United Kingdom - President Donald Trump and French President Emmanuel Macron reached an agreement in London at the 70th Anniversary NATO Summit, on how to repatriate the hundreds of ISIS fighters that are still in Syria and surrounding countr...
Read full storyCharleston Man Urges Reinstatement of Slavery for Canines
Speaking out against the - in his view - overly sentimental pet-parent culture that's pervaded much of the United States, Brett Gallatin of Charleston, South Carolina, is advocating for the reinstatement of slavery for domestic canines. "I'm not a...
Read full storyMan Utd v. Tottenham: Spurs Favourites To Take All Three Points
It's the big game at Old Trafford tonight, and former Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, is back for the first time since he was sacked from the job a year ago. This time, however, it's with Tottenham Hotspur, the team that trounced his Un...
Read full storyMan Realizes He Doesn't Really Know The Back Of His Hand As Well As He Thought He Did
The phrase "I know it like the back of my hand" is one often used to indicate that the speaker knows something very well, indeed, but one man, this weekend, had to re-evaluate his use of it, when he realized he didn't really know the back of his hand...
Read full storyPrince Andrew To Cut All Ties With Prince Andrew
After yesterday's news that Prince Andrew had been advised to submit himself to making legal testimony before a US court, and with more and more of the Duke of York's business associates disassociating themselves from him and his projects, the Prince...
Read full storyPrince Andrew denies all knowledge of the existence of Trump
Following President Donald Trump’s denial of knowing Prince Andrew yesterday, the Prince himself last night moved swiftly to scotch rumours that he has ever met Trump, or that he even exists. Speaking to the BBC’s Andrew Marr in a hastily-arranged...
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