Looking like the ghost of a hunchbacked chef that haunts a ruined French patisserie, Prime Minister Boris Johnson performed a radical U-turn on his previous radical U-turn by revoking his earlier U-turn of doing everything everyone wants all at the same time. Johnson instead swore to do absolutely nothing, and just “bugger about a bit” if he won a majority in the forthcoming General Election.
"It has been pointed out to me by some people I hold in very, very high regard, that I can’t actually do everything everyone wants all at the same time. So, I will, instead, do nothing."
You could hear a pin drop in the room.
After the commotion died down, Johnson continued:
"In doing nothing, I hope to achieve a lot, and by a lot I, in fact, mean nothing."
Thanks to our arcane voting system, the Conservative Party stand to win a controlling majority in the forthcoming election. God help us all.