NBC News Sending Brian Williams to "Man Up" Boot Camp to Get Balls
NBC News said Tuesday it is insisting that Brian Williams attend the 'Man Up' Boot Camp and in addition has been suspended its chief anchor and managing editor immediately for six months without pay, forgoing the option of firing the embattled news...
Read full storyTown decides to ban other kinds of software on computer shops after banning Dota
IGNORAN, CE (Acme World News) -- Few weeks ago, it has been reported that the town of Protacio, CE bans Dota in all computer shops in that area due to increasing crime rate. Recently, this same town now bans other kinds of software, which is in fa...
Read full storyTwo girls argue over an accident, interrupts taping of cooking show
OMG, THEYKILLEDKEN, NY (Youbas Tard) -- A taping of the high-rating cooking show "Fraiche Kitchen Economics Down Under Edition" was interrupted by two girls arguing over an accidental pouring of soap on the plate of food of one of the girls. Dinah...
Read full storyJurrasic Park Patrons Cite Law of Diminishing Returns
Jurassic Park, the dinosaur animal preserve on Isla Nublar located west of Costa Rica has been receiving complaints by patrons who have made multiple trips to the park. "It's pretty much the same experience every time," stated Robert Bakker, a fre...
Read full storyFriday the 13th tremors for Valentines-hating Saudi Arabia
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - The selling of red roses and heart-themed paraphernalia is outlawed in the tyrannical Kingdom where anyone celebrating Valentines Day is likely to cop a thousand lashes. This weekend a rare seismic alignment sees the notorio...
Read full storyCockroach, curry, not Calcutta!
Jaggedone's CIA have just received a report from roving, starving reporter, Jumpa In-Curry-Singh, from an Indian restaurant in Manchester Ladies and gentleman I have just experienced a near death experience after entering a chicken curry served in Mughli's Indian restaurant. I was enjoying a quick snack when a huge fork from above entered my rear end and before I ended up on the menu, I managed...
Read full storyBill Cosby to Be on Next Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice
New York, NY Donald Trump was pleased to announce today that Bill Cosby would be one of the celebrities on his next show. Others will include Michael Richards and Paula Deen. "Dr. Cosby has requested that we make a few changes to our original for...
Read full storyA Buff Madonna Punches Out Taylor Swift and Lady GaGa
Lost Angeles, CA Backstage at the Grammy Awards was apparently quite a rowdy affair as details are just emerging of a backstage fight. Apparently Lady Gaga had leaned in to kiss Madonna and Madonna swung and hit her, knocking her to the floor. At...
Read full storyScientist Fires Missile and Accidentally Destroys Pluto
Huntsville, AL An astronomer/scientist at the Space Science Lab, who has so far managed to remain anonymous, has admitted to accidentally destroying Pluto with a nuclear missile. "I meant to hit the zoom so I could get a closer look at this three-...
Read full storyTLDC Announces ''Coming Out" - A Boot Camp for "Future Homos"
Mitchell Schlockmeister - Head of TLDC TV (The Learning Disabled Channel formerly just TLC) made the following announcement today at swank Beverly Hills Hotel, reported here in full. Well here comes another winner from TLDC with positive social benefits to boot. You know when we changed our name to more accurately reflect our audience demo's we also promised to get more serious about "LEARNI...
Read full storyObama Takes Control of Education
Following the revolutionary "No Child Will Escape" Act of 2001 fronted by George W. Bush and signed into law on Jan, 8, 2002, Barack Obama has launched his own follow-up "No Child Can Ever Escape" education bill which will be passed shortly with no f...
Read full storyWeasel News Bigots Backtrack on Offensive "Reddit SJW" Accusations
Shona Grammy and Super Bill Frieli from Weasel News broke down in tears yesterday when they realized that the people they had been dismissing for years as "Whiney, crybaby Reddit SJWs" were actually people just like them. Shona Grammy sobbed, "All this time, I thought these people were, you know, like Obamabots or something, who had been planted as fake personas to bring socialism, pro-womanism...
Read full storyPreparing For Erection Day - Cameron is truly the cock of the walk
May 7th has been set as Britain's Great Erection Day when the Party with the most seats will win the erection. Labour & Conservatives are neck and neck but could be upset by the SNP throwing a caber into the erection battle. Tory big knob,...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - Annual Bus "Weirdo" Outing To Isle Of Wight Banned From Motorway Service Station
The Manager of a Motorway Services Station near Scunthorpe has banned the "Weirdo Club Of Great Britain" annual outing from entering the premises this year after complaints from "normal" customers last year that the club members were not weird enough...
Read full storyScamatology Attempts to Copyright Hypnosis and Brainwashing
Clearly Criminal, FL The Church of Scamatology has filed suit with the U.S. Patent Office claiming rights to both hypnosis and brainwashing. "Anyone who had ever read our literature, all of it written by Elron Hubtard, knows that we are the leade...
Read full storyBrian Williams: "I've decided to become a fiction writer"
NBC anchor Brian Williams, with all his credibility as a high-profile journalist apparently shot to hell, has decided that with his very creative imagination, that his next career stop is to become a fiction writer, according to an NBC assistant-to-t...
Read full storyGOP Says Obama is Forcing Folks Back to Work
GOP leaders held a press conference after the news that job growth continued to expand dramatically under Democratic guidance. John Boehner surrounded by Ted Cruz and other Tea Party notables announced today: "This president with his pro growth policies is forcing folks back to work to make his Libtards look good before the 2016 election!" Washington reporter Candy Cookie asked him; " Are yo...
Read full storySportz Illustrious covergirl out to prove she has beauty as well as brawn
Bantamweight champ Rhonda Rowdy, who is scheduled to face Cat Scratch Zinger in UFC's pay-per-perv headliner Feb. 28 cat fight, has won another title, prior to her upcoming bout: Sportz Illustrious has named the hellcat the cover girl for its annual...
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