Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - The selling of red roses and heart-themed paraphernalia is outlawed in the tyrannical Kingdom where anyone celebrating Valentines Day is likely to cop a thousand lashes.
This weekend a rare seismic alignment sees the notoriously volatile Wahhabist tectonic plate on a collision course with Western-style Friday-the-13th karma.
Secret intelligence reporte have hinted about sudden eruptions in Riyadh's amiri palace compound where 10,000 Saudi princelings live the life of Riley, splurging indolent petro-inheritances on desirable Western 'trash'.
Unfortunately a series on online glitches in the Kingdom's private banking network is threatening to crash the entire portfolio of royal accounts.
Interior Ministry geeks fear a new wave of Trojans from IS jihadi hackers is overwhelming the infrastructure ahead of an all-out Friday the 13th cyber attack.
Ministry of Virtue & Camel Humping Affairs spokesperson Ali Baba said this morning, "I will eat my iPad before ever letting such a thing happen."
Expect a tsunami of crap to erupt before nightfall.