British PM David Cameron once auditioned for the role of Commander Data's evil twin Lore says LA studio boss
Los Angeles - "The guy was a natural," former Paramount producer Waldo Malfoldo recounts in his memoirs**, "except he freaked out most of the cast as way too creepy even by Lore's standards. "As Patrick Stewart pointed out, the part of Lore had be...
Read full storyUSA Womens' Curling Team Concedes 2018 Olympics
SOCHI, RUSSIA - In an unprecedented move, the USA Womens' Curling Team has conceded the 2018 Olympics. The announcement came after the USA lost to South Korea 9 to 2 after playing only six ends at last week's event. The team's Skip, Ivana Luze, ci...
Read full storyObama Launches WebCam Program for the Disadvantaged
WASHINGTON, DC - President Barack Obama on Thursday launched a public program to provide webcams to African-American and Latino young men and boys, an initiative that includes a $90 billion commitment from the US Federal government and $367 from Holl...
Read full storyStartling New Definitions In Latest Dictionary Update
As reported in this space earlier, the Oxford English Dictionary online has been updated to include some "Americanisms." Last year the quarterly publications included new words or terms such as "Selfing" and "OMG,." as in "OMG, I Am, Like, Literally Unfriending You." The latest online update includes: National Security - n, adj. A term associated with the U.S. Government's "war on whistle...
Read full storyHumans To Go To Other Earth-Like Planets
NASA's Kepler spacecraft has discovered 715 more planets in the Milky Way that could be a suitable to sustain human life. Since the first such discovery, in 1995, this brings the total to about 1,700. "This is very good news indeed," said Biology...
Read full storyErin Andrews Says Dancing With The Stars Fired Brooke Burke-Charvet and Hired Her Because She Much Younger and Much Prettier
HOLLYWOOD - Erin Andrews spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and told him that she feels bad that Brooke Burke-Charvet was fired from her co-hosting job on Dancing With The Stars. But the ESPN Sports blonde firecracker quickly added...
Read full storyEric Holder admitted at DC hospital for sex reassignment surgery
WASHINGTON, DC - Attorney General Eric Holder admitted himself this morning to nearby hospital, MedStar Washington Hospital Center, for sex reassignment surgery. The surgery has been scheduled for tomorrow morning. "During his regular morning meet...
Read full storyPet Peeves
Hello. My name is Jackson Hoff. As a life-long editor of one publication after another, I feel it is my responsibility, occasionally, to supply a sharp, biting view of (insert topic here). I've thought long and hard about that responsibility. I think that was at breakfast like a week ago. I bet I spent 20 minutes straight kicking that around. I was deep into it when the cat knocked my pineapple ju...
Read full storyBritish Spy Agency 'Intercepted webcam images of Yahoo users, Yahoo Rejoices
The Guardian reported on Thursday that the British Spy Agency GCHQ intercepted millions of webcam users' images around the world. Leaked documents revealed that the agency, in cooperation with the United States National Security Agency, used "Oper...
Read full storyJanet Jackson Wants Out of Her Marriage To Her Billionaire Hubby
BEVERLY HILLS - Michael Jackson's little sister Janet, who is now 47, has just announced to the Hollywood press that she is considering filing for divorce after only being married less than one year. Ms. Jackson's husband is the much younger Wassa...
Read full storyBill Gates Reveals He Seriously Considered Buying The Moon Back In 2009
HOLLYWOOD - Bill Gates appeared on The Gorgeous Gary Busey Show and he dropped a scoop on the show's host. Gates, the Microsoft billionaire stated that five years ago he met with the top ranking U.S. government officials at NASA and he made them a...
Read full storyClinton, Bush Sr and Jr welcome Hutton Report-style of whitewash into IRA fugitives pact
Washington DC - They were once described by the UN, NATO, Interpol, the CIA, Mossad, MI6, KGB, Savak, the French Gendarmerie and the Stasi as being 'in bed with Tony B Liar and the IRA'. Today three former US Presidents were reportedly cock-a-ho...
Read full storyOldest piece of Earth to make fine brooch
WAY DOWN UNDER -- It has humble origins. Found inside the intestines of a slaughtered sheep, in Western Australia, of all places, an ancient crystal known, among rock hounds, as a zircon, is the oldest piece of Earth on record. According to scient...
Read full storyBlake Shelton To Perform At The White House - But Under One Very Strict Condition
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House has confirmed that country music artist Blake Shelton will be performing at an upcoming White House Hoedown. White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax informed the White House press corps that the one stipulation th...
Read full storyDigester's Reader: Uncle Billy's Barn-Cooked BBQ
Down in Alabama between two small towns on an old, dusty county road is one of the south's best kept secrets; Uncle Billy's Barn Cooked BBQ. Billy Chawhock has been feeding locals around here for about six years now and he got his start one day because of a rainstorm that drove him and his homemade 55 gallon drum grill into the old horse barn out back of his family home. "We were having compan...
Read full storyBillionaire Claims He Is Getting Stupider
A billionaire fashion designer says scientists have found a way for him to spend a lot of money on something totally impossible and ridiculous. Bahamas resident Peter Nygard says he is receiving stem cell therapy and that a study from the Univer...
Read full storySuper Class Action Lawsuit Lands in Washington DC District Court
Washington DC (STT News) - A class action lawsuit was filed today in US District Court in what is being described as an attempt to 'Level the superhero playing field for all creatures of legend and lore'. The lawsuit is being led by Mothman, who...
Read full storyFlorida Father Vetoes Controversial Phone Bill
Florida based dad Kenny Mook announced Wednesday he has vetoed a controversial telephone bill that would have allowed his daughter to continue texting, playing games and chit chatting with her friends when she be doing her homework. Mook, who spe...
Read full storyScandalous stars for Sunday's Oscars Night
Los Angeles - Giant black holes 'as large as the Big Dipper' have appeared in two of Hollywood's most famous senior luminaries' birth charts as they ready to receive Lifetime Achievement Awards from the Oscars Committee. Woody Allen and Roman Pola...
Read full storyThe Space Lizard Next Door
Is it me, or does there seem to be more people these days that might be carnivorous space lizards? The whole space lizard concept was the brain-child (loose term) of the much celebrated football pundit and renowned bat-shit crazy person, David Icke. It goes something like this: Flesh-eating reptile humanoids, living in underground bases around the world, have infiltrated every facet of huma...
Read full storyNew Billion Pound Study To Ascertain Flood Causes
The government are to spend a billion pounds in studying the causes of the recent floods which hit the UK this winter. With the fallout still lapping at the feet of every hard working Brit, the Environment Agency still blame the Government and the...
Read full storyRoth Buys EVERY SINGLE ONE of George W. Bush's Paintings
Naperville, IL Illinois businessman Joseph Roth has bought at auction every last thing that George W. Bush has ever drawn. He has also insisted that Mr. Bush give him first crack at anything else he paints or draws. Mr. Roth might be remembered...
Read full storyNobody Shows Up For Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction
New York, NY The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Committee, who approved the $70,000 per seat ticket price of the cheap seats at the Hall of Fame induction ceremony, were embarrassed when none of the inductees showed up to accept their prizes. Linda Rons...
Read full storyUnable to change her profile picture on Facebook for 8 days, girl goes into depression
Mumbai: Late last evening, Simran Kanodia, a 19 year old girl was admitted to Dr. Shrink Hospital and is being treated for depression apparently induced from the pain of not being able to change her profile picture on Facebook for 8 days. Your fea...
Read full storyHollyweird's Hottest: Mercedes McNab
Another Canuck, "actress" Mercedes McNab, "not a bad-looking chick," says Hugh Humpher, publisher of Playboy magazine, in which she appears modeling her birthday suit, played Harmony Kendall in the television series Buffet the Vampire Player. In the same series, she later played a vampire named Harmony KenDodall (don't ask; it's not only complicated, but it's also asinine). Since then, she has app...
Read full storyJustin Bieber and Kim Jong Un Become VERY Good BFFs
Pyongyang, North Korea Since accepting the invitation of Kim Jong Un, evil dictator of North Korea, to visit his country, pop star Justin Bieber appears to be happy, taking selfies of himself with Kim's handmaidens, and horseback riding with the port...
Read full storyMariah Carey's Marriage Is Hitting Some Sour Notes
BEL AIR, California - Word coming out of the Mariah Carey - Nick Cannon household is that the May - December couple's musical marriage has been hitting some awfully flat notes of late. A close friend of the couple said that after five years of wed...
Read full storyNASA Reports That One Of Costa Rica's Astronauts Has Applied For An Astronaut's Job
HOUSTON - The National Aeronautics And Space Administration has just informed the public that a Costa Rican astronaut has left the Costa Rican Space Program and applied to NASA to become an astronaut. NASA's assistant spokesperson Skipper Flashfid...
Read full storyThe Yukon Polar Vortex Headed To The USA - Temperatures Could Dip Down To Minus 117
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The United States Department of Weather is issuing extreme cold warnings from the Dakota's, to The Great Lakes region, and over to the New Jersey area. USDW meteorologists predict that the Yukon Polar Vortex or YPV, will cause a...
Read full storySarah Palin Addresses The Pregnant Rumors: Gosh Darnit, It's All Them Mooseburgers I've Been Chowing Down Lately
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah "Snowflake" Palin recently spoke with Savannah Bamboo of Political Salad Bar Magazine. The former vice-presidential candidate who along with Senator John McCain got their cabooses kicked by President Obama wanted to clear u...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell, Ellen DeGeneres, Jane Lynch, and Melissa Etheridge Plus 1 Million Lesbians Are Planning A Protest March In Phoenix
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Four high profile lesbians met at The Laughing Beaver Comedy Club in West Hollywood to discuss the amazing anti-gay and lesbian bill that the state of Arizona has just passed. Rosie O'Donnell and Ellen DeGeneres are the co-organiz...
Read full storyCindy McCain Says That Her Husband Senator John McCain Will Not Apologize To Sarah "Snowballs" Palin
PHOENIX - Cindy McCain has told GOPicky Magazine that if Sarah "Snowballs" Palin thinks that her husband, Arizona Senator John McCain is going to apologize to her then she must have moose ovaries on her brain. Mrs. McCain was speaking about the co...
Read full storyBook Review - Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg
This book is about these kids who somehow get involved with Mork from Mork and Mindy! There are a lot of things that happen, including a great scene where Mork PRETENDS he isn't actually Mork at all! Which was very confusing. I recommend my next book, MONOPOLY, if you liked this book. What happens is that these kids are suddenly plunged into the the game and become real estate moguls, dema...
Read full storyBook Review - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs Okay, I have no problem with this book, in fact I love it but, I think the proper term, and politically correct way of referring to dwarfs is midgets. So, please, could you get with the 21st Century and stop offending little people and retitle this book? I expect that there are thousands of midgets who totally offended to be regarded as dwarfs. I nearly thr...
Read full storyReporter gives left arm for story
CHICAGO, IL -- PBS TV reporter Miles O'Brien recently gave his left arm for a news story. Two weeks ago, he was filming an investigative report about authorities' suspicion that photographic equipment was being stolen by members of an Asian crime...
Read full storyGeorge Osborne to offer tax benefits to parents calling their children Ronnie
"The chronic Ronnie shortage is set to destroy "nostalgia " on British television by 2016", a nostalgia expert, Dennis Noorden told our T.V. correspondent. "At Christmas it is as traditional as mince pies to watch comedians imitate newsreaders sa...
Read full storyArizona governor expected to announce decision to slap gay critics
PHOENIX, AZ - Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, under mounting pressure to veto a bill assailed by critics as a license to discriminate against homosexuals in the name of religion, met today with politicians on both sides of the issue, and is expected to...
Read full storyMen Must Not Submit To Wives' Requests
In elections for the Presidency in 2008 and 2012 Obama would not have won except for the women's vote. The same is true in many Congressional Districts currently held by democrats. Because of this, GOP House Speaker John Boehner has been providing...
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