Men Must Not Submit To Wives' Requests

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 27 February 2014


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In elections for the Presidency in 2008 and 2012 Obama would not have won except for the women's vote. The same is true in many Congressional Districts currently held by democrats. Because of this, GOP House Speaker John Boehner has been providing "sensitivity training" to his Republican colleagues.

Boehner immediately faced a challenge as he started the program when former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, favorite GOP pundit and former presidential candidate, said that it's the Democrats who have the "war on women" because they think women "cannot control their libido" and so rely on "Uncle Sugar" to provide birth control.

Boehner told GOP House members, during a sensitivity training meeting immediately following these comments, that they should never speak like Hukabee. "Women simply don't have libidos. So, there's nothing to control. That's the truth and what we should say," said the Speaker. When Rep. Jane Smart (R-CA) objected that this wasn't true, Boehner ignored her.

But a few weeks later, Republican Rep. Steve Pearce of New Mexico wrote in his memoir that women are to "voluntarily submit" to their husbands, and that men are to "exercise control over their families." Boehner told the House GOP that it is "counterproductive" to speak this way.

"If a wife wants to deviate from the standard missionary position, that's not all right, and you can discuss that," he told the assembled group. "He shouldn't submit to her kinky sexual desires you can say." (When Smart pointed out to the Speaker that he was contradicting himself he ask her if she was menopausal.)

On a more positive note, under Boehner's direction, the GOP is introducing a bill that distinguishes between "legitimate" and "illegitimate" rape and wife battering.

The House Speaker said in a training session that his office would "spare no effort in showing support and sympathy" for women who were illegitimately raped or beaten up by their spouses. "It will be a way to show that the GOP has no 'war on women'," said Mr. Boehner.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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