Startling New Definitions In Latest Dictionary Update

Funny story written by Keith Shirey

Thursday, 27 February 2014

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As reported in this space earlier, the Oxford English Dictionary online has been updated to include some "Americanisms." Last year the quarterly publications included new words or terms such as "Selfing" and "OMG,." as in "OMG, I Am, Like, Literally Unfriending You."

The latest online update includes:

National Security - n, adj. A term associated with the U.S. Government's "war on whistleblowers," spying on all U.S. citizens by the N.S.A., the Justice Department's illegal justification of secret drone killings estimated to be over 7,000, and the rationale for "endless war without limits."

Sound Science - n, adj. A term used by anti climate change corporations and their political minions to justify huge profits and pay offs for activities destructive of the environment and detrimental to the health and welfare of the citizenry. See Keystone XL Pipeline.

Closing Guantanamo - n, adj. A promise made by President Obama, which may or may not occur. Which ever happens, the Guantanamo System, which provides for the anti-constitutional indefinite detention of individuals without charges or trial, will be held in place.

Collateral damage - n, adj. A term used by the government during what is now endless war to disguise the gruesomeness of the carnage in the killing and maiming of non-combatants/innocent civilians, particularly babies and infants. See drone warfare.

Voter ID Laws - n, adj. Laws enacted in states where the political activism of blacks, other socially marginalized, the poor, females and/or Democrats, have been successful so that their access to the ballot box must be made as difficult as possible. These laws are enacted in states where voter fraud is non-existent.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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