Michael Sam: Players Don't Care If He's Gay
During the NFL Combine, the annual gathering of rookies to evaluate their NFL potential, general managers asked tight end Nick Kasa whether or not he "likes girls," or has a girlfriend. Linebacker Manti Te'o's sexuality was the "elephant in the room"...
Read full storyTopless Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's ass saved by US frostbite salve manufacturer
Sochi, Black Sea - A US pharma company has offered to rescue Lebanese Olympic skier Jackie Chamoun's snow games career after she was censured by her country's culture ministry for skiing topless in the Women's Freestyle at Sochi. Owners of Arkansa...
Read full storyObama signs executive order to require same-sex marriage for federal workers
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President Barack Obama signed an executive order on Wednesday to require same-sex marriages for all federal workers starting next year and encouraged employers nationwide to require same-sex marriages for their workers.
Read full storyAlcohol Makes You Lose Brain Cells? Not According To Idiot/Savant!
Everybody's alarmed at the recent report that "Alcohol Destroys Brain Cells". Of course, I tell them we only use ten percent of our brain anyway according to those same people, right? So I read about how many brain cells we have to lose and it's...
Read full storyNRA Calls for SOS (Shoot on Suspicion) Laws Nationwide
FAIRFAX, VA--In a legal move to avoid having to prove that an armed person felt physically threatened when discharging his weapon, Wayne LaPierre, CEO and Bullshitter-in-Chief for the National Rifle Association, is now calling for SOS, or Shoot on Su...
Read full storySinkhole Appears In NYC Central Park!
Although there was no apparent earthquake nor did anything appear on the charts but a sinkhole has appeared in New York's Central Park. "I was out jogging early this morning about an hour after daylight and I came pretty close to tumbling in", sta...
Read full story100MPH winds batter the UK and Cameron dons his favourite designer wellies!
The UK has and is still being battered by storms, floods and 100MPH winds, but there is a saviour in sight. PM David Cameron has been sighted on a non-existent 'dyke' wearing his designer wellies promising to plug it and she loved every second! He...
Read full storyNeil DeGrasse Tyson to Star in Sex and the City Spinoff
Noted astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson has come to terms with producers to star in a new television series on Fox. Co-starring with Tyson are Sarah Jessica Parker and Cynthia Nixon, former stars of the hit series Sex in the City, upon which the new...
Read full storyComic Book Men - New Rival Show to AMC's The Walking Dead
Mother's Basement - With the rising popularity, and obsession with AMC's, "The Walking Dead," the airing of "Comic Book Men" has been pushed back to the wee hours of the morning. This is very concerning to very few in society. When "Comic Book Me...
Read full storyThe Impact Factor - Obsolete and Dangerous
The Impact Factor was conceived in the 1970's by Eugene Garfield, founder of the Institute for Scientific Information, and can be used to compare the 'scientific weight' of different academic journals. Whilst many have argued that the Impact Factor...
Read full storyWealthy Chinese Multi Billionaire Hires Houston to Build Safety Space Station
A spokesman for an unnamed multi-billionaire from Taiwan has apparently agreed to pay specialists in Houston Space Center to build him and his family a safe, well-furnished self-supporting space station. "My boss has been watching our government g...
Read full storyLong To Rain Over Us is last leg of Queen's Diamond Jubilee hex, astrologers explain
The Cosmos - Filthy conditions in Aquarius, sign of the water bearer, are likely to climax on Valentine's Day when the Leo Fool Moon brings a deluge of karma on Elizabeth Windsor's preposterous 62-year reign. That's the upshot of an astrology conf...
Read full storyValentine's Day with Sandra
Sandra's eyes twinkled as she stared at the beautiful big box wrapped in red and adorned with a golden bow. It was the prettiest of gifts from the ones that had popped up on Google search results. Instantly she took to Facebook and posted the picture on her wall with the headline: 'What I found in the morning mail. Girls, here is what the note read: "A special Valentine's gift for my special...
Read full storyOregon Crime Suspect Accidently Shoots Himself in the Balls!
Salem, Oregon police have arrested and are now guarding at the hospital a man suspected of shooting an Uncle, then shoots himself in the balls while trying to escape the police. A neighbor heard a loud argument going on in another apartment and su...
Read full storyCivil Disobedience
History shows that 6% of a population, provided they are determined and share a common incentive, can seize power and enslave the entire inhabitants. The common ground could be any ideology. Felix Dzerzhinsky was a member of several revolutionary committees and the creator of Soviet State Security forces Cheka (1917-26), the notorious committee for torture and mass summary executions. Felix D.
Read full storyShirley Temple Black Iconic Child Star Dead at 85
Shirley Temple Black, who was the most popular child movie star of all time lifted a filmgoing nation's spirits during the Depression and then grew up to be a diplomat, has died. She was 85. It was a complete shock that we all learned today that s...
Read full storyHigh-revenue Russian products to be boycotted due to anti-gay stance
WASHINGTON D.C. - The U.S. Department of Trade announced Friday that the nation will officially boycott a number of high-revenue Russian products because of Russia's recent public stance against homosexual people. The government was quick to ackno...
Read full storyRunning, As A Spectator Sport, Is Boring, Concedes Seb Coe
Lord Sebastian Coe, Chair of the British Olympic Association, today conceded that running, as a spectator sport, is boring. 'The Sochi Winter Olympics has once again shown us all,' Lord Coe told the BBC, 'that any number of visually interesting co...
Read full storyPutting The Boot In
Wellington Boot sales are rocketing as Floods devastate parts of Britain and with more rain and gales to come! Chief Executive of Wellington Boots Inc, Mac Tosh, has told Spoof that 'sales are going welly well' with special designs for TV appearan...
Read full storyGeorgia Bracing For Snowzilla
ATLANTA, Georgia - Meteorologists throughout the Peach State of Georgia are warning state residents that big bad Snowzilla is on her way. Thick layers of ice up to 2-feet thick are being predicted and some estimates expect as much as 19 inches of...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Could Be Headed To Prison
NEW YORK CITY - The Federal Aviation Federation has just let it be known that they are investigating the recent incident in which Justin Bieber was alleged to have been drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, and eating environmentally protected lobster...
Read full storyKenyan Figure Skater Claims Simon Cowell Is The Father of Her Twin Boys
SOCHI, Russia - The Sochi Olympics have been rocked by a statement made by Kenya's lone figure skater Mumbi Kagunda. The gorgeous 27-year-old skater is claiming that British music mogul Simon Cowell is the father of her twin boys Gakuro and Gatimu...
Read full storyWestern Maryland Wants To Secede From Maryland and Become The Nation's 51st State
RUSTIC GAP, Maryland - The residents of the western part of Maryland say that they are fed up with the governor telling them that they can't do this and they can't do that. And for that reason there is a strong movement in the western part of the...
Read full storySubway Promises Its Customers It Will Get Rid of The Yoga Mat Taste In Its Bread
MILFORD, Connecticut - Subway has stated that they have always had the taste buds of their customers foremost at hand. Company spokeswoman Tammy Strawhouse recently addressed the matter that had been brought up by a consumer group that some of the...
Read full storyNew Bedford, Massachusetts Rocked By An Earthquake
NEW BEDFORD, Massachusetts - The city of New Bedford was struck by an earthquake at 5:46:13 on Tuesday morning. Residents reported what sounded like a freight train, a squadron of F-15 fighter jets, and Kirstie Alley running combined. One resid...
Read full storyA Colorado Group Wants A New More Modern Marijuana Related State Slogan
DENVER - A Colorado group calling itself the Friends of Pot (FOP) is circulating petitions around the campuses of every college and university located in the state. Donna Fay Keystone, who is the state director of the Denver based FOP organization...
Read full storyYoung Woman Claims To Be Mitt Romney's Daughter
BOSTON - A 22-year-old computer programmer living in Boston has come forth with an astonishing claim. Mavis Drillwater has informed the news media that she is Mitt Romney's daughter. She said that she did not know it until recently when she found...
Read full storyNASA Is Thrilled With The Sochi Olympics Organizing Committee's Wonderful Gesture
HOUSTON - Trent Timmelfarb, spokesman for NASA, has announced that they have just received word from Sochi, Russia, home of the XXII Winter Olympics about a very nice gesture. Timmelfarb said that he received a gracious email from Tula Tambova, th...
Read full storyGovernor Chris Christie Sets A GOP Fundraising Record Thanks To Some Sexy Surprises
NEWARK, New Jersey - The happy, rotund governor of New Jersey Chris Christie has been having a bit of a difficult time lately due to situations regarding that bridge lane closure mess, the Hurricane Sandy funds issue, and the missing 215 Butterball t...
Read full storySarah Palin Is Reportedly Very Depondent
WASILLA, Alaska - A close friend and part-time assistant of Sarah Palin has expressed that she is very concerned about the well being of the ex-governor of Alaska who has just turned 50. Ling Ling Lang recently sat down and talked with Tabitha Tul...
Read full storyCopenhagen Zoo to start selling Bush Tucker in its restaurant
After the uproar at Copenhagen Zoo when the zoo owners took an inbred giraffe, killed it and then fed it to the lions, management of the zoo have unveiled new plans for future animals that are surplus to requirements. "We don't see what the proble...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Missing from Madame Tussauds in New York
New York - A spokesperson for the internationally famous wax museum reported that the figure of Justin Bieber has disappeared. Fabrizio Waxidrippo stated that "our most popular replica is missing from its marquis place in the main display room, and...
Read full storyPutin Wins the Olympics
Sochi, Russia - After the Russian team's disappointing performance during the first few days of the Winter Olympics, President Vladimir Putin decided to step in for his country and proceeded to win gold in every remaining event. Despite being 61 year...
Read full storyTime for a National Conversation
My fellow Americans, today we face another round of criticism from our adversaries. They have accused our administration of being "feckless" in the face of the 21st Century and its many challenges. Rather than go on the defensive and merely answer to a strict definition of the term, we will respond positively and comprehensively, just as we did when we overcame last year's charges that we we...
Read full storySomerset drilling causes water spouts in Birmingham
Drilling operations to unblock the drains under Somerset have caused colossal geysers to shoot out of Birmingham sewers, the outraged Mayor of Birmingham claimed today. Labour voters in Birmingham watched in disbelief as millions of gallons of posh...
Read full storyColdest Continent Turning Communist?
MCMURDO STATION, ANTARCTICA - Some American researchers stationed at Antarctica are a little concerned about the 4th research station China recently built here. "Well, for one thing, it is shaped like a UFO and it is on stilts," commented Dr. Fill...
Read full storyNew Heavenly Angels Chorale performance will feature lyrics by Rogers and Clapper with additional soprano from Victoria Nuland
Conducted by General Keith Alexander, Director of the NSA, the renowned Heavenly Angels Chorale--one hundred voices strong--is readying for a spring time fete with new operatic voices and special lyrics. There have been rumors chorale members will...
Read full story