NEW BEDFORD, Massachusetts - The city of New Bedford was struck by an earthquake at 5:46:13 on Tuesday morning.
Residents reported what sounded like a freight train, a squadron of F-15 fighter jets, and Kirstie Alley running combined.
One resident Vonda Lee Foxhound, 89, said that she was in bed with her husband of 61 years Noah Roy, 91, when all of a sudden her purple and orange cotton nightgown flew off of her.
At first she thought that maybe her Noah Roy was dreaming and thinking that he was Brad Pitt and she was Angelina Jolie.
But then when she saw Fluffy their 17-year-old pet cat fly by like Supercat she knew something was not right in Peoria.
[WRITER'S NOTE: Vonda Lee Foxhound suffers from an affliction known as Advanced Mixed Metaphoritis.]
After going into the kitchen and picking up all of the paper plates and plastic spoon, forks, and knives Vonda Lee and Noah Roy realized that it was an earthquake.
As they turned on their television set they heard Rapunzel Breadbaum, the local weatherwoman say that the earthquake had measured 2.4 on the Richter Scale.
SIDENOTE: The Foxhounds said that luckily they had just insured their brand new wicker dining table and four wicker chairs which were completely destroyed.