Man Sues Porn Industry for making Sex Boring
Dateline: LOS ANGELES--Eduard Garbanzo, a plumber and avid consumer of internet pornography, is suing several top producers of porn for having made sex commonplace and boring. "There's too much nudity on the internet," he protests. "They've satura...
Read full storyPod of killer sharks seen in flood-hit Datchet High Street
Berkshire, UK - Residents of the picturesque Thames village of Datchet fled for their lives tonight as rising flood waters brought a new menace to the neighborhood in the form of a pod of killer sharks. Local herbalist Alfred Bong-Edwards, 69, tak...
Read full storyYounger Pimps Support Obamacare, Gay Marriage
A recent Dew research poll has uncovered some surprising results. The annual Pimp Poll, in which 1,000 pimps across the country are asked their opinions on various issues, shows that pimps under the age of 35 lean Democratic and support Obamacare...
Read full storyJones Could Be First Openly Incompetent GM
IRVING, Texas - Unconfirmed reports suggest that Jerry Jones, owner and general manager of the NFL's Dallas Cowboys, is considering whether to publicly declare his incompetence. Jones would become the first openly incompetent GM in the league's histo...
Read full storyShirley Temple to be buried at Forest Lawn Mammorial plot next to Jane Fonda and Nancy Reagan
California - Former child prodigy actress Shirley Temple will be buried at Hollywood's premier all-A-List women's cemetery in Forest Lawn Mammorial Park right next to Jane Fonda and Nancy Reagan. The three women had been lifelong friends and vowed...
Read full storyDonald Trump to Buy Church of Scientology
New York, NY Donald Trump has announced that he has become a devotee of Scientology, auditing with his solid gold e-meter and expelling body thetans from his hair by the millions. "I absolutely love the Church of Scientology, what with all the c...
Read full storyIs It A Zombie? or Practically Nude Man Sleepwalking in Snow!
What most people saw in the Massachusetts Wellesley College area was a practically naked man either sleepwalking or in a frozen Zombie-like Trance! Whatever it was, the Headmaster immediately called the campus police and the local sheriff, who m...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney told to keep his big nose out of Brits' Elgin Marbles
New York - The Ancient Greek artefucts were saved from ruination on the Parthenon, a sculpted frieze atop the Athens Acropolis, by Thomas Bruce, 7th Earl of Elgin and British ambassador to the Ottoman Empire from 1799 -1803. Today their continued...
Read full storyGlenn Beck: "I was abducted by illegal aliens from outer space for 17 minutes"
Glenn Beck, conservative commentator and Tea Party golden boy, admitted that he was abducted by illegal aliens from outer space for 17 minutes while he was employed at FOX News. "My Gosh, it felt like 17 hours. It was terrible," Beck said. Acco...
Read full storyNew Hearing Aid uses Pubic Hairs to Amplify Sounds
New York - Researchers at Columbia University say they have developed a new improved hearing aid that utilizes pubic hairs to enhance sound waves. The discovery, they say, could one day help the severely hearing impaired lead a near normal life. T...
Read full storyDocuments Reveal That Beatles Almost Joined Lawrence Welk's TV Show
ESCONDIDO, CA-Recently discovered archives at the Lawrence Welk resort near this city, belonging to the eponymous bandleader suggest that the Beatles might have joined Welk and his Musical Family when they visited the United States in 1964. There...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Robs A Bank!
Justin Bieber can't stay out of trouble even if he sits on his skinny butt at his house with a girlfriend, according to him. Apparently, guys are having fun at Bieber's expense, going around the area where he lives and playing practical jokes and...
Read full storyRib eye beef not the only Colorado delicacy on White House dinner menu tonight?
Washington - A slap-up meal in a specially erected South Lawn 'choom room' - uh, event tent! - tonight will feature the State of Colorado's finest produce, White House spokesman Jay Carney said today. Much thought had gone into menu creation for t...
Read full storyCrater Lake Emptied Out
CRATER LAKE, OREGON - The U.S. National Park Service announced today that Crater Lake is officially empty of all water. Once known as the deepest lake in the U.S. and the 7th deepest lake in the world, Crater Lake is now the deepest empty lake in...
Read full storyThe Rolling Stones To Perform At The Sochi Olympics Closing Ceremony
SOCHI, Russia - The Sochi Organizing Olympics Committee has just made an announcement regarding the XXII Winter Olympics closing ceremony. SOOC Spokeswoman Tula Tambova has stated that the Rolling Stones will be performing at the closing ceremonie...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Is Devastated Over X-Factor Being Cancelled
LOS ANGELES - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that Demi Lovato is really taking the cancellation of Simon Cowell's X-Factor pretty hard. Demi appeared as one of the show's judges for two seasons. She had recently stated that being on the show he...
Read full storyA World War II German U-Boat Found In An English Castle Moat
LIVERPOOL - A couple of brothers who were out hunting squirrels in the English countryside have come upon an amazing discovery. Wilfred and Wilbur Nottingfield of Liverpool said that as they were walking near the old St. Sally's Castle they notice...
Read full storyColorado Votes To Give Marijuana Farmers A Tax Break
DENVER - Colorado State Senator Jimbo Quickdance [D-Denver] spearheaded a state bill to give the state's thousands of marijuana farmers a tax break. The bill easily passed by a vote of 31-4. Senator Quickdance stated that the marijuana industry...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Admits He Already Misses Jay Leno
NEW YORK CITY - David Letterman told a reporter with The Right Coast Revue that he already misses his former late night talk show competitor Jay Leno. Letterman said that although its true he and Leno had their ups and downs deep down inside, some...
Read full storyAruba's Alpine Skier Disqualified Because She Reveals She's A Lesbian
SOCHI, Russia - One of the most popular athletes at the XXII Sochi Olympics is Aruban alpine skier, Margo Hutloop. The 23-year-old was highly touted to possibly win two gold medals but that is not going to happen. During an interview with Italy...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Is Very Upset With Boyfriend Chicharito
NEW YORK CITY - Cheryl Cole was in New York City filming a television commercial for Jose Cuervo Tequila. The British singer was asked how things were going with her and her boyfriend, Manchester United soccer player Javier Hernández Balcázar bett...
Read full storyEiffel Tower Graffiti Blamed On The Taliban
PARIS - French authorities are investigating one of the worst cases of graffiti they have ever seen. France's national news agency Le News is reporting that the graffiti is definitely the work of the terrorist organization known as The Taliban.
Read full storyAlec Baldwin Is Being Sued By A Member of The Paparazzi For $7.3 Million
NEW YORK CITY - Well Alec Baldwin, AKA The Out-of-Control Thespian, has just received word that he is being sued. Tittle Tattle Tonight reports that Baldwin, who is one of the nation's most hated actors, is alleged to have pushed a female reporter...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Fires A Missile Towards Japan But It Lands In North Korea Instead
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un had hinted a few days ago that he was getting ready to fire a missile towards Japan. He had said that Japan had angered him when one of their high ranking officials had stated at The Sochi Olympics that the Nor...
Read full storyGary Busey Gets His Own Talk Show
HOLLYWOOD - The actor who is best known for playing rock legend Buddy Holly in the 1978 movie The Buddy Holly Story has just signed to host his very own talk show. Busey said that he received a call from an executive at the Bravo Network saying hi...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Rand Paul To Stop Talking About Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky or Face The Wrath of The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Word coming out of the White House is that President Obama is not at all happy with the way Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has been carrying on lately. According to Durango Tucker with National Focus Magazine, who spoke to an inside...
Read full storyDanish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt Admits She Has A Crush On President Obama
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - A U.S. news agency is reporting that it has received word from an inside source that Denmark's Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt has revealed a secret to her hair stylist. American Spotlight Magazine is reporting that the...
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Denies The Blake Shelton Rumors
HOLLYWOOD - Christina Aguilera has lost a tremendous amount of weight and everyone has told her that she is looking very, very sexy. One of those individuals who is giving her some very nice compliments is her fellow The Voice cast member Blake "T...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Says She Wants To Adopt A Baby From Sochi, Russia
NEW YORK CITY - Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have six children and now a close friend of Angelina's has said that the actress wants to adopt a Russian baby. Jolie has three biological children plus she has adopted one each from Cambodia, Vietnam,...
Read full storyAsk a hillbilly, he never lies...
Question: What is a hillbilly exactly? Answer: Well, the name first appeared in a 1900 New York Journal article, with this description: "a Hill-Billie is a free and untrammeled white citizen of Alabama, who lives in the hills, has no means to speak of, dresses as he can, talks as he pleases, drinks whiskey when he gets it, and fires off his revolver as the fancy takes him." That pretty much...
Read full storyScientists breed extremely tiny ant-like "nano pigs"
Miniature "nano pigs" have been bred by the Ministry of Agriculture. The pigs, smaller than ants are exactly like large white porkers, but a hundred times smaller. They can be kept in a matchbox until required and then fattened up to full size w...
Read full storyMiss Piggy Forced to Break Kermie's Heart
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Just in time for Valentine's Day, the sad news was announced today that Miss Piggy has finally realized her inter-species love affair with Kermit the Frog, is going nowhere. In a press conference held at The Plaza Hotel, Mis...
Read full storyRand Paul Shops Pander Mountain
Sen. Rand Paul on Saturday proclaimed to gathered lobbyists and big money crony donors that "Texas will be a Democrat state within 10 months if you don't make change and pass it out to the less fortunate among the proletariat as they enter this big n...
Read full storyFamous Woman Honeymooning in Italy Lets Her Husband Order for Her From the Italian Menu
MONTEROSSO, ITALY - This week a famous American bride, on honeymoon in the Cinque Terre, almost didn't stay in Italy with her new husband. The famous woman, who prefers to remain anonymous, happily flew to Italy not knowing one word of Italian,...
Read full storyCurling Perplexes American Viewers
SOCHI, RUSSIA - Curling, the shuffleboard-like game on ice that is so popular in Canada and Scotland, may be the most perplexing Olympic sport to American viewers. For one thing, it is televised in the early morning hours when most Americans are asl...
Read full storyJohn Boehner Signs Megyn Kelly and Sean Hannity into the Moondog Center for the Criminally Insane
SAINT DAVID, Maine - House Speaker John Boehner signed FOX News commentators Sean Hannity and Megyn Kelly into the Moondog Center for the Criminally Insane Monday afternoon. This insane asylum sits right on the edge of Canada and its thick deciduous...
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