New York, NY Donald Trump has announced that he has become a devotee of Scientology, auditing with his solid gold e-meter and expelling body thetans from his hair by the millions.
"I absolutely love the Church of Scientology, what with all the crazy people who truly understand me, with their worship of money, total corruption, and especially treating their workers like slaves! Any organization that can get their people to work for pennies an hour, get forced abortions on demand, play dirty tricks on their enemies, and just generally defraud the public, well, is it any wonder I love them?" spoke Trump.
"Since they are so like me, I am going to buy the whole church. I'll only need to make a few changes and fire a few people. After all, who wants to get rid of someone who works practically for free?" chortled Trump.
