Curse of the Kennedys of Luck of the Irish?
New Ross, Ireland - Superstitious members of the Kennedy clan beware; a memorial flame commemorating the 50th anniversary of President John F Kennedy's visit to Ireland has suddenly blown out just daze after being lit by former First Daughter Caroli...
Read full storyHoly Roller Mayor Fleeces small town
By now Americans could use a laugh about someone else's budget insanity, but mostly the world will laugh at small town America. This past Sunday the circus was not in town, no calliope or herty-gerty sounded, but the clowns where in session. Populati...
Read full storyMan Wakes Up Speaking Morse Code
An Iraqi grandfather who went to bed suffering from a migraine was amazed to wake up speaking fluent Morse code. Babachack Al-Mahim is now left with a voice that is unrecognisable to family and friends. Doctors say he has Foreign Accent Syndrom...
Read full storyAiding and Abetting at Sheremetyevo Airport
Greetings, everybody. This is Pepe Warezabar at Sheremetyevo Airport, reporting for The Guard Dog. I just hot-footed it here (from Syria) to join colleagues looking for Edward Snowden. We have been up and down airport corridors we don't particularly recommend. Nor the sandwiches. Even the bars are dull. They keep playing this horrible computer music for "Here Comes the Sun." Plus no relief...
Read full storyRio 2016 - ...taking the plunge!
Following Team UK's phenomenal success during the recent 2012 Olympics a new event has been added in readiness for the Rio Olympics in 2016. Initially dubbed The Altitude Trounce it has now been officially titled The Elevation Plummet by the Olym...
Read full storyGeneral Cartwright denies 'fixing' George W Bush's Olympic Games program
Washington DC - A retired American general and former Vice Chair of the US Joint Chiefs of Stuff who was named last year by the New York Toast newspaper as a crucial player under Dubya's much discredited 'Olympic Games' cyber program is being probed...
Read full storyRoyal Freak Hospital baby cloning unit on standby from this weekend
London - Obstetricians at the London hospital say a new batch of royal baby clones is ready for the final pick as greedy royal gold digger Kate Middleton prepares to farrow her Baby Cambridge. "The Queen herself has ordered these hatchlings," Pro...
Read full storyEarl of Snowdon denies being fugitive CIA whistleblower
London - Princess Margaret's ex-husband Anthony Armstrong Jones, a.k.a. the Earl of Snowdon, has issued a statement denying he is a notorious CIA intelligence whistle blower currently trawling dodgy Latin American countries for asylum. "Bugger orf...
Read full storyAnother 'God's Banker' busted in Vatican money laundering racket
Rome - A Vatican Airways cargo plane loaded with €20m of illicit cash stuffed into North Face-Off zip-up holdalls was readying to take off from Switzerland's Gnomes of Zurich Airport when police swooped late last night. The seizure, part of an ong...
Read full storyEmma Watson expecting twins
Former Harry Potter star Emma Watson announced to the world today that she is expecting twins. The exciting and impromptu news had photographers from all over the world trying to sneak up-skirt and down-front shots, particularly those photographer...
Read full storyHolly Willoughby says, 'yes the lights are on and there IS someone home'
Beautiful, desirable and extremely lovely British TV presenter, Holly Willoughby, today proved to the media that she is indeed more than just a pretty face. Speaking at a conference where she had the full attention of those present on two counts,...
Read full storyKim Kardashian announces she is expecting quadruplets
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have announced that they are now expecting quadruplets, which for their vast array of low-IQ, sheep-like, celebrity clap-trap fans means that Kim will be giving birth to four babies at the same time. Speaking to a vas...
Read full storyAlaska's Pavlof Volcano Needs To Be Capped Says Sarah Palin
WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin has just showed the world that she knows as much about volcanoes as she does about geography. The failed 2008 GOP vice-presidential candidate, who also quit as governor of Alaska in the middle of her term, recently st...
Read full storyThe Boston Celtics Clean House As They Send Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Jason Terry Packing To The Brooklyn Nets
BOSTON - Well the Boston Celtics scenery just changed pretty darn quick as the Green team has traded Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, and Jason Terry to the Nets of Brooklyn. The three spoke with The Sports Bet Gazette's Zorro La Bamba at a local Lips...
Read full storyRihanna and Oprah Winfrey Reportedly Feuding Over The "N" Word
CHICAGO - Word out of the Windy City is that the former talk show queen Oprah Winfrey and Caribbean beauty singer Rihanna are feuding over the use of a certain word. According to LaSabrosa Windwater, with Afro Sheen Magazine, Rihanna said that it...
Read full storyLady Gaga Named The Most Creative Performer In The USA
CHICAGO - Lady Gaga, the singer with the repetitive syllable, has just been named The Most Creative Performer in The USA according to an extensive poll conducted by Chicago's Windy City Community College. A spokesperson for WCCC Walcott Dungaree n...
Read full storyShaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley Are Interested In Buying The Miami Heat
MIAMI - Former NBA all-stars Shaquille O'Neal and Charles Barkley flew into Miami to talk to the Miami Heat ownership. The Heat just won the 2012-2013 NBA Finals by defeating The San Antonio Spurs in a hard fought best four out of seven series tha...
Read full storyDonald Trump Wants To See Paula Deen's Birth Certificate
NEW YORK CITY - Donald Trump, the multi-billionaire who prides himself as being known as The Birther Baron, has just stated that he wants to see Paula Deen's birth certificate. When asked by a reporter with The Right Coast Revue why, the funky-hai...
Read full storyKat Von D Dumps Another Fiancé
SAN FRANCISCO - One of America's most tattooed females, Kat Von D, has just announced that she has tossed fiancé DJ Deadmaug5 to the celebrity curb. The 31-year-old Von D, who almost has as many tattoos as her former ex-future fiancé Jesse "Messy"...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Denies Any Involvement In The Tarzana Texting Sex Scandal
HOLLYWOOD - The star of The Twilight Saga series Kristen Stewart recently stated that she is still hoping that ex-boyfriend Rob Pattinson will realize how much he misses her and ask her to once again become his one and only girlfriend. Stewart rec...
Read full storyThe True Story of Marvel Comics' Mr. Fantastic
Before he was Mr. Fantastic, he was Reed Richards, just an ordinary guy without the superpowers he acquired once he transformed himself into Marvel Comics' version--okay, ripoff--of Quality Comics' Plastic Man. Reed was hot for Johnny Storm's older sister, Susan, but she wouldn't give him the time of day because, according to locker room talk, he had not only an undersize, but a miniscule, peni...
Read full storyUgly Dog Show Provides Missing Hairstyle Link
The 21st annual Ugly Dog Show that took place last week and has grown increasingly more popular every year, has attracted a unique and prestigious following lately. A group of scholars and scientists who have been "on the lookout" for a missing h...
Read full storyJustice Scalia Turning Into Gargamel from "The Smurfs" Before Our Very Eyes
Longtime conservative United States Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is apparently morphing into a living caricature of Gargamel, the perpetually-plotting yet ever-frustrated hedge wizard slash homeless man antagonist from "The Smurfs." "It'...
Read full storyItalian Government Affirms Strict Stance On 18+ At Government Orgies
In a rare act of political unity from the land that brought the world Caligula, Benito Mussolini, and the single most influential cultural factor behind "Jersey Shore", the government of Italy has reaffirmed its stance that all whores in attendance a...
Read full storyDog-Doo Quietly Picked Up Next To Dead Homeless Man
Responsible pet owner Brentson Whitman, 32, quietly and carefully fulfilled the social contract to care for the waste deposited by his three year old Jack Russell Terrier "Oscar Wilde" by delicately and silently removing the small coil of doggy-doo...
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