Speaker John Boehner "sits down to pee" - Latest Snowden NSA revelation!
Speaker John Boehner took to the floor of the US House of Representatives this morning demanding the immediate arrest and extradition of Edward Snowden from Russia. He also demanded an immediate trial and execution of Snowden as a traitor to the coun...Read full story
Queen apoplectic as Gibraltar holiday Brit jet skier shot at by Spanish boat patrol
London - She's almost busted a gasket at news that Gibraltar's British sovereignty has been horribly messed about with by a Spanish police patrol. Courtiers had to up her intravenous largactil as details of the outrage emerged, described by Spanis...Read full story
Southerners wink, nod at each other
THE SOUTH--In response to the Supreme Court striking down a key portion of the Civil Rights Act of 1965, requiring certain southern states to seek federal approval before changing voting laws, white Southerners of all ages and backgrounds exchang...Read full story
Big Oil reacts to Obama hot air debate
Long Island, NY - "Nothing more than a one-man hot air machine spawned in Al Gore's back pocket," was how one Lilypond Lane, East Hampton Big Oil tycoon put it as the President's greenhouse gases speech was broadcast today. "Cutting the crap in at...Read full story
New Texas Abortion Law to Protect a "Gleam in Your Daddy's Eye"
AUSTIN, Texas--The Majority Republican House today took up debate on a new abortion law, considered the strictest in the nation, which would protect even the intention of a man to father a child. The law, called the "Gleam in Your Daddy's Eye Bil...Read full story
NRA: "Getting shot with bullets can be good for your health"
Yet another absolutely inane comment coming from an NRA leader has sparked outrage among the United States' citizenry. Today, NRA Deputy of Bullets Czar Randy "Bubba" Beaufordt issued a statement that stated getting hit by bullets "can actually be go...Read full story
Hollyweird's Hottest: Marti Noxon
Marti Noxon grew up in a haunted house, believing that her brain was ectoplasmic and could, of itself, produce thoughts that were both rational and meaningful without being maudlin. She attended Pesky College, University of California, Ain't Hanna Barbera, majoring in Melodrama, because she couldn't get into UCLA and because she wanted, even in her twenties, to be a Valley Girl. Just a Little O...Read full story
Hollyweird's Hottest: Sarah Michelle Gellar
"Nobody is anybody if her body is female and she hasn't been kissed by me."--Sarah Michelle Gellar "I married her because of her acting talent; she convinced me she was hot."--Freddie Prinze, Jr. "Who? Oh, wait! I know 'her-the little Jewish girl with no breasts, right?"--Howard Stern Sarah Michelle Gellar (also known as "Barely There Gellar") was a major Daytime Enema Award-winning ac...Read full story
The true story of Marvel Comics' Electro
Electro (not to be confused with Electra, which ends in "a") is a Marvel Comics character with multiple personalities, sometimes making appearances in Timely Comics and Atlas Comics as well as Marvel Comics. In one of his identities, Matt Dillon, the son of a bean counter and and an over-protective mother who thought her son rather stupid, advising him to seek work as a lineman for an electrical c...Read full story
British Cities To Be Protected By Barrage Balloons Again!
David Cameron has announced a return of barrage balloons to protect the people of Britain's cities from the latest terrorist threat - model aircraft bombs. The balloons, already ordered from China should begin to arrive in Britain within the next few...Read full story
First on the Moon Bit-ches!!
It's been awhile since we have heard from Paris Hilton and last weekend she reappeared with startling news. Hilton hotels will be the first Hotel on the moon...yes the moon. When asked about this news she replied "Yes bit-h, the moon is hot! T...Read full story
Swarm of Africanized killer bees 'goes mental' chasing US drone near Ecuador airspace
Pacific Ocean - The hunt for CIA intelligence whistleblower Edward Snowden intensified this morning amid reports that a massive dark cloud of Africanized killer bees has been picked up by Ecuador Air Force radar scanners tailing what looks like a US...Read full story
MC Dawkins strives for pop career!
Atheist fundamentalist and evolution crackpot MC Dickie Dawkins, has today befuddled his swathe of bleating disciples by unveiling his previously hidden desire to be a pop star. At a recent Saatchi and Saatchi sermon, he broke off and left the sta...Read full story
Paul Gascoigne On Wagon
Former Newcastle United, Tottenham Hotspur, Lazio and England midfielder Paul Gascoigne, is rumoured to have given up drinking alcohol after he was spotted on Tyneside on Tuesday on the back of a coal wagon. Gascoigne, who also played for Boston U...Read full story
Edward Snowden to Spy for the New York Mets
Flushing, New York -- Looking to even up their below .500 record before the end of the season, the New York Mets have added an espionage expert to their roster. He is the whistle-blowing traitor, Edward Snowden, and he will join the team as soo...Read full story
Sharon Osbourne Denies She Was Caught Underneath The Santa Monica Pier With Russell Brand
SANTA MONICA - The latest celebrity musings coming out of the Left Coast rumor mills state that Sharon Osbourne was caught in the clutches of a much younger man. And that younger man is none other than British subject Russell Brand. Celebrity G...Read full story
Monica Lewinsky Asks President Obama If He Can Hire Her To Be A White House Tour Guide
WASHINGTON, D.C. - If there is one thing that Monica Lewinsky is not it's shy. The nation's most infamous White House intern has reportedly asked President Obama if he can hire her to be a White House tour guide. She stressed to the president that...Read full story
Doc Rivers' Wish Came Through - He's Leaving The Boston Celtics For The Los Angeles Clippers
BOSTON - The coach of the Boston Celtics, Doc Rivers, has finally got his wish. He has been traded to the Los Angeles Clippers and he is about as happy as Wynonna Judd sitting in a pile of fried okra and tater tots. Rivers was traded for a 2015, 8...Read full story
Former V.P. Dick Cheney Tries To Crash A White House State Dinner But V.P. Joe Biden Stops Him
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden has always been one to speak what's on his mind and he certainly let everyone know at a recent state dinner given in honor of Portugal's President Joey Maracas. The guests had all had dinner and were dan...Read full story
Katie Holmes Says She Misses Tom Cruise As Much As Lindsay Lohan Misses Her Late-Night Partying
NEW YORK CITY - Katie Holmes watched 7-year-old daughter Suri board and a plane to visit her father out West in Tinsel Town. After Suri left, Katie broke down and said that she cannot stand being alone and wants to get together with some guy but p...Read full story
Police Warn New England Patriots Player Aaron Hernandez To Turn Himself In Or They'll Sell His House
NORTH ATTLEBORO, Massachusetts - The North Attleboro Police Department has informed the news media that they are tired of New England Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez playing games with them. The Pats receiver has been told to turn himself in to...Read full story
The Shockingly Amazing Truth About Lint
CHICAGO - The Amalgamated Agency of Data Gathering has just come out with a shocking finding regarding everyday household lint. Agency spokesperson Naomi Belle McDibbing remarked that research studies were recently conducted at Windy City Communit...Read full story
Palace Malice Races To A Record-Breaking Victory In The Tijuana Invitational Derby
TIJUANA, Mexico - The winner of The Belmont Stakes Palace Malice has made history down in sunny old Mexico. The Kentucky racehorse easily won the coveted Tijuana Invitational Derby by a record-shattering 27 lengths. Jockey Mike Smith said he kn...Read full story